It was really, really stupid that a seven-year-old's question would be sticking in his mind three weeks later, as he collected schematics of a First Order refinery from a sketchy asteroid vendor.

The question wasn't even that complicated. Did Finn like Kylo Ren anyway? No, not really. He was a bad person, and selfish, and someone who might have to be killed by his own mother. No, Finn didn't like Ren. When he thought of people he liked, he thought of the pilots, of Rey, of Slip, who should've been free along with the rest of the stormtroopers. He didn't think of Ren, who'd had every chance to grow up normal and happy and had thrown it all away.

But -

Okay. Very occasionally it had kind of seemed like there might be something vaguely worth it, buried deep in Ren's psyche. The guy might be funny, or interesting; he was powerful, and he could've used that power to change the whole world if he wanted to. If he had, then he'd be someone Finn liked. As it was...

As it was, he was someone Finn sometimes fixated on, for no real reason. Maybe it was the height, or stormtrooper training had actually scrambled his brains a little more than the Resistance doctors had been able to detect. He just kept thinking of him, at random moments.

And dreaming about him.

The dreams were worse than the passing thoughts, really. They kissed again, but unlike the first time, they didn't fight first. And Ren was kind to him, in the dreams, laughing at his jokes and asking about his thoughts. Finn woke up with his chest tight with longing, which always became self-loathing before he'd even finished in the 'fresher.

Obtaining the schematics took longer than he expected. The First Order's data rooms were guarded at all hours of the day by pairs of stormtroopers. Finn had only tested them once, pretending to be a lost tourist, and he'd almost lost his illusion mask and been arrested. They were elite, scarily so. He coordinated with the local Resistance cell to borrow some bodies to case the place, hoping a break-in would be possible, but they all reinforced his worst concerns: the place was borderline impenetrable, locked down and very unlikely to relax security even if someone told them a Death Star was pointed at them.

Finally, with the help of two local informants, Finn obtained what he needed to finish the job: nap gas, so named because it knocked you out for anywhere between thirty minutes to seventy-two hours.

Or forever, actually, if you messed up the dosage. But Finn was careful. He set off the gas, ran into the data room with a breather on, obtained the right files, and ran out in under twenty minutes. He sent his success signal to the Resistance and went straight for his ship, ostensibly a prawn farm from a nearby moon system. When he got there, he took a few minutes to check over his ship, then closed the landing bay to take off -

And right before the doors shut, one of the stormtrooper guards leaped inside, tackling Finn to the ground.

It was too late to shout for help. He'd already given the orders to jump into hyperspace. If he didn't win this fight, the ship would arrive at camp having given away their location, and Finn would be dead.

He punched the stormtrooper in the weak stomach armor, then rolled, pulling its helmet off. There was a woman underneath, with close-cut black hair and skin a little lighter than Finn's. She snarled when she saw him. "The traitor of Starkiller Base. I should have known."

"You can stand down," he said. "This ship is on its way back to the Resistance. There's nothing that says it can't arrive with a new recruit."

He wasn't expecting her to sneer. "Do you really think that will work? We were warned about you. Trained against you. Lying filth, traitor! Too much of a coward for the First Order!" She spat at his feet and then, before he could argue, charged him.

For a moment he didn't fight back, paralyzed in mind and body. We were trained against you - did that mean another round of reconditioning? Had his brothers and sisters, his teammates, his - not his friends. But something close, as close as it could be with stormtroopers. Had they been tortured because of him?

She got a hit in, striking his solar plexus once and then again when he didn't move quickly enough. He dodged after that, pushing her back and blocking her blows. She was so frenetic that she didn't even have time to pull her blaster - and when Finn noticed it, he formulated a plan that became action a breath later. She aimed to hit him with a stiff palm, and he let it happen, absorbed the blow, and used her forward momentum to trip her just far enough off balance that he could grab her blaster himself.

She froze. He took five quick steps backward, blaster trained on her with a steady hand.

"We're going back to the Resistance," he said again. "I'd rather not arrive with a body in the cargo hold."

For a second he thought she would make him kill her. His heart twisted; his breath came in unreliable bursts. He knew that if she charged him, he'd let her disarm him, might even be too slow to keep himself alive.

Slowly, with murder on her face, she raised her hands in surrender.

After securing her in the hold, he sent word ahead that he'd be arriving with a prisoner. The dispatcher asked him to identify the woman, but he only sent back, "Designation class likely TK." They'd either figure out that meant a stormtrooper or not.

As the ship descended into the trees, he took long, deep breaths. He'd known this would happen - confrontation with the stormtroopers. He'd been quizzed on readiness long before the New Republic granted him citizenship. He might feel weird about delivering another stormtrooper into the Resistance's not-so-gentle embrace, but he knew he had to do it. She was guarding some of the most valuable chemical formulas in the galaxy; she had information Finn hadn't. She was a valuable asset.

Finn really, really hoped they'd try to avoid hurting her.

His ship docked and was met by two privates. One of them went with droids to remove the stormtrooper to a holding cell; the other escorted Finn to the war room. "Subtle," he said as they walked down the long hall.

"That's the goal, sir," the private said. Finn glanced at her chest, but she didn't wear a nametag.

Right, then. He took a deep breath and walked into the war room.

General Organa stood at the far end; Rey and Luke were against the wall, watching the tableau. And it definitely was a tableau, because three Senators stood around the big round holo-projector, and Poe stood near General Organa, almost in the shadows, directly behind -

Finn blinked once, twice, took a deep breath, tried to clear his mind.

Kylo Ren stared at him across the distance. The air between them didn't suddenly go solid; it didn't spark. Neither of them shot lightning. All of that, and the resultant almost-painful arousal, was in Finn's head.

"Finn, thank you for coming," the General said.

The door slid shut behind him as he nodded acknowledgment. "I'm guessing you got the news of my prisoner."

"A stormtrooper." the General raised an eyebrow. "In addition to the plans we asked for. Very impressive."

Suddenly, it seemed of utmost importance to explain. "I didn't mean to, actually. I just - she was there, I couldn't - she snuck onto the ship. I had to fight her."

"Why didn't you kill it?" Ren said.

Rey hissed furiously. Luke frowned. The General pressed her lips together, none of her emotions escaping that Finn could see or feel. "Ben, I told you that your sitting in on this meeting would be conditional on good behavior."

"Kind of feels like he broke that rule a while ago," Poe said. He had his usual light, I'm-probably-joking tone, but Finn could see beneath it now: Poe was furious.

The General said, "Everyone, I apologize for my son, but I will also remind you that he and Finn are the only assets we have who might have any idea what the First Order's plans might be. Ben, don't talk again. Finn, what do you think our odds are if we try to compel her to talk?"

"Compel?" Finn said.

"We have truth serums, bribery, psychological trickery. Nothing that would do lasting harm, of course, but -"

But, the Resistance had people who could read your moods. Technically, they had at least one - Finn glanced at Luke. Okay, two people who could crack your thoughts like a rednut and rummage around the meat within. "She won't give anything up willingly."

"They don't have to be willing," said one of the Senators, a thin Human woman.

"No, that's not what I mean," Finn said. "I mean she probably can't. It's programmed into us - them." He swallowed. "It's possible that if she starts divulging secrets, classified stuff, her heart will fail. Or she'll pass out. It's a complicated thing, but I've seen it happen. They made sure we knew it would work." He glanced at Ren then, almost in spite of himself. "First Order officers have also seen demonstrations."

"Of course I have," Ren said. "I told them as much. But they seem to think you disprove the training of thousands of Stormtrooper units."

Finn shook his head. "I don't, trust me. It can fail, or you can push through it. But it's not a sure thing. You might not get anything from her."

"Like I said," Ren said, addressing his mother this time. "You might as well just kill it."

For a moment, everyone in the room tensed. Finn could feel the roiling fury and frustration of every single person, even Luke. But it was General Organa who turned to look at Ren, her expression impassive. When she spoke, soft and deadly authority gave every word weight.

"You will not goad me into killing her, or you. I understand that you would prefer to die rather than continue being cut off from your Supreme Leader. What you do not understand is that the Republic I have given my life to building has rules, regulations, and rights for all members, even defectors, even non-citizens, even traitors. There are things we will never do here. There are things Vader himself could not force me to do. If you continue to try to provoke me, all that will happen for you will be a quick trip back to that cell you begged me to leave. Do you understand now, Ben?"

Ren had flinched throughout the speech. Now, his harsh breathing was the only sound in the room. He opened his mouth to reply.

"General - Princess - General! Kylo Ren has escaped! Oh, I'm so sorry. Dear me. He's right here, isn't he." C-3PO stopped dead in the entrance. "I'll just be going, then."

The Human Senator who'd spoke to Finn before snorted. "Leia, you could always make 3PO be a chaperon. He's skilled at it."

"Indeed." Slight amusement lit the General's expression. She turned away from Ren without an apparent second thought, saying to Finn, "I didn't introduce the Senators. This is Lisset of Fest, Vitari of Devaron, and Siboja of Tangenine."

Each Senator bowed. Finn, feeling like a prize idiot, bowed back.

"This is my war council, more or less," the General said with a wry smile. "I'd welcome your feedback on what we should do with the TK-class stormtrooper."

It was weird, Finn thought, that he could hear the space where she would use a name - where she clearly thought she should be using a name, even though stormtroopers were trained to reject anything but basic classification. He didn't think even Luke Skywalker believed in his moral code as much as General Organa believed in hers. "I guess we should question her," he said. "And hold her. There's not much else we can do."

'We.' That felt good, even if he could feel Ren's disdain from across the room.

"Then so we shall." The General nodded. "Rey, I'd appreciate if you can confirm the stormtrooper is being held in humane conditions. Luke, Lisset, I'd like to speak with you both about a separate matter. Finn and Dameron, escort Ren back to his quarters, please."

Quarters? Not a cell?

"That's right," Ren murmured as Finn fell into step with Poe. "You won't get to torment me in that little bubble anymore."

"He's being a hell of a pain in the ass about it," Poe said, "but this is good news. It means Snoke can't reach him anymore."

"He can hear you," Ren said in what Finn thought of as his professor-on-trial voice, long-suffering and supercilious.

"Yeah, I know that, Ben," Poe said. "It's great news. The best."

"You don't care."

Finn glanced at Poe. It wasn't true; that much was obvious to him, shone through in all of Poe's actions. He cared a lot, even if he didn't want to anymore. Finn could relate.

"Maybe I don't," Poe said easily. "About you, anyway. But the General, and the Resistance, need the First Order to be as weak as possible. Snoke no longer having his pet wannabe-Sith is good for that, so as far as I'm concerned, I'll throw you a liberation party."

Ren snorted - Liberation, Finn could imagine him saying in that condescending tone - but he didn't keep arguing. Poe led them to one of the smaller barracks. Ren's room was slightly larger than Finn's, but only so there was room for three-sixty surveillance. Finn's room computer, like all of them, would erase or heavily encrypt all his data within two hours. Ren's data was being livestreamed to the perimeter monitoring room.

Finn noticed more than he wanted to in the minute it took them to drop Ren off and check him in. Like how Finn had a few little knickknacks on his bureau, and Ren had nothing. His bed didn't even look slept in. It might as well have been his old cell, for all the personality he'd failed to add to it.

"It looks pretty bleak in there," he said as he and Poe walked back towards the mess.

"That's how he likes it, I guess."

Finn struggled against his ruder impulses and lost out. "What happened? Between you guys, I mean."

"Nothing."

He spoke too quickly for it to possibly be true. "But I mean - you knew him, right? Growing up in the Resistance?"

"Sure, we all knew each other. But he was pretty powerful early on, so it's not like...I mean, we weren't best buddies or anything."

Finn knew he was prying but he couldn't help it. There was something there, some information that might help, hidden just past what Poe was saying. "But you wanted to be?"

Poe stopped dead in the hallway and looked at Finn sharply. Suspicion flared between them - no, it was Poe's suspicion, Finn realized. He could feel it as clearly as if it were his own.

"Been doing that a lot lately?"

"Doing what?"

"Using the Force."

"What? No!"

Poe had a flirty demeanor, normally. Finn understood that about him; it was a pilot thing. But right now, he looked deadly serious and honestly pretty mad. "Then you're using it without realizing. You're right, I was friends with Ben, and we hung out. It's a long, complicated, messy past, and it ended with him trying the tricks you're doing right now."

Finn didn't - couldn't - reply.

"You should talk to Skywalker," Poe said. "Or the General. Don't rummage around in people's heads like that. It could get you in serious hot water, and beyond that, it's rude."

"I know that." But it was a weak protest. He did know, of course he did, but - he'd done it anyway, and it had felt natural, not at all unethical or illegal.

"Yeah, I know you know." Poe smiled a bit then, clapping a hand on Finn's shoulder. "See you at the fish bake?"

Day after tomorrow. More than enough time to throw himself at the mercy of Skywalker and beg for help, or forgiveness. "Wouldn't miss it."

-

Luke stared while Finn stumbled through an explanation, doing his best to emphasize his lack of knowledge of the rules he'd been breaking. When he finally wound down into silence, Luke said, "Hmm."

Finn waited. When more wasn't forthcoming, he said, "Please tell me that doesn't mean you're going to throw me in a holding cell."

"Like my nephew, you mean?"

It was said mildly enough, but for just a second Finn thought he might pass out.

"I was thinking, you see," Luke said. "I've taught a lot of pupils."

Most of whom were dead. That was - not really how Finn wanted all this to go. "I'm sorry," he started to say, but Luke waved him off.

"I don't mean that in a censorious way. It's just that what you describe is, hm, different from my area of expertise. Have you talked to my sister?"

Another screech-and-pivot moment happened in Finn's brain. "Have I talked to General Organa about breaking the law with the Force? No, I have not."

"Well, as the chief authority on the Jedi Council, I'm going to have to order you to."

Finn's throat went very dry. He couldn't even get a squeak out.

"She'll be able to help you better than I, unless your goal is to become a Jedi, which I've been reliably informed is not the case."

By which Finn assumed he meant 'Rey re-enacted my long story about the various ways I'd rather die than become a Jedi'. "That's right, I don't."

"Talk to Leia, then. Please."

Finn just couldn't process Luke Skywalker, Master Jedi, standing in front of him and saying 'please'. He'd learned about him in school, as a stormtrooper! He was a living legend, someone Finn had sometimes doubted the existence of, just because that much power in someone not under the Supreme Leader's control seemed impossible. But, well, here he was: Finn couldn't deny it anymore. Luke Skywalker was real, really powerful, and asking him for what amounted to a favor.

Accordingly, he booked a meeting with the General. It was suspiciously easy to do, like Luke had called ahead. Finn thought of Luke saying, 'hey, can you clear your calendar for Finn? Yes, the former stormtrooper' and had to calculate the hyper-velocity of the Millennium Falcon for a few minutes before he could go to dinner.

Rey, of course, pounced on him in the mess line. "I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"Really?" Finn said, but he felt bad about it when her face fell. Ren was a bad influence, apparently. "Okay, I'm sorry, it's - yeah. It's kind of scary, that's all."

"Well, you won't get Kylo duty again, at least. Not 'til you've learned to control yourself." Rey was grinning at him, flushed, like she hadn't just casually mentioned Finn breaking the law.

Wait. "Kylo duty?"

"You know, making sure he doesn't suddenly contact Snoke again. You can't do that if you're learning to control your abilities. It makes you an easy target." Her expression turned troubled. "He's very powerful."

Finn had known that, but - "He tried to tell me. Well, I thought he was just being a dick."

"Oh no, Finn. Are you sure he didn't do anything? Get inside your head?"

Immediately, humiliatingly, Finn thought of the dreams he'd been having. No, they couldn't possibly be related. Ren would never make him imagine so many - ugh - kisses. "I don't think so. Hopefully not. I would've noticed, right?"

"I'm sure you would." But Rey was clearly offering the opinion of a loyal friend, not a Jedi apprentice. "I'm glad you'll train a bit. For your own safety."

Sometimes it seemed like they were moving impossibly far away from each other, even though they'd only been friends a little while. "I'm glad, too," Finn said.

And he meant it: he was. But he was also terrified, and frustrated, and a million other not-so-positive feelings that he didn't quite feel like he could share with anyone.

General Organa had him ushered into her office with all the fanfare Finn assumed she reserved for diplomats. After her protocol droid - which had 3PO-esque manners, but a bit more tact - left them caf and sweet buns, she sat down across from him and said, "Let's start with what you think Luke has told me about you."

Finn took four deep breaths. Before he finished with the fifth, his panic had subsided a bit. He said, "I'm not sure what you mean."

The general gave him a speaking look. "Don't you?"

"I broke the law," Finn blurted. "I mean, that's not what I think he told you, I think he was probably nicer about it. But that's what I did, that's the truth."

"Hmm. Is it?"

"I pried around in Poe's mind. He's my friend, I didn't mean anything by it, but - I did."

"You know, I became a Senator very young. I was trained well by my parents, of course, but after I found out the truth of my parentage, I'm sure you can guess what I thought." She looked at him with a calm expression. He felt it. The realization was as abrupt as a Force grip and about as welcome.

"How do I turn it off?"

"You don't." Said with regal sympathy. "You can learn to control it, of course, but you'll never stomp out the part of you that can pick up on moods, thoughts, inclinations. I doubt you'd want to."

Of course he did. "And you'll teach me how to control it?"

"If you won't have Luke as a teacher, I guess I'll have to do."

For a moment, Finn thought of Ren. He looked at General Organa, at Leia, and knew she was thinking about him too.

Different thoughts, though. Force, Finn was in so much trouble. "I'm honored that you're willing to teach me."

She smiled, compelling and forgiving. "Let's get started, then."

He left her office two hours later, so exhausted the hallways wobbled a little as he walked back to his room. He was ready to sleep for the rest of his shift, at a minimum, but when he got to his door, he found it blocked by -

"Why didn't you tell me you were seeking a teacher?" Ren snarled.

Maybe it was good that he was so tired. He didn't really care, right then, about the distant or not-so-distant possibility that Ren would murder him with lightning. "I don't really talk to you, because you're a prisoner, and I don't trust you. Where are your handlers?"

"I can roam the halls freely, thanks to my good behavior." Ren smiled, cold and creepy. "I could also teach you in a manner more efficient than Skywalker, if you want."

"I definitely do not want." And he wasn't going to tell Ren that it wasn't Luke teaching him, either.

But Ren was better than Finn had realized, or more nosy. Even as Finn thought it, Ren's eyes widened with rage. "My mother?"

Oh, toss it all in a volcano then. "Yes. She's actually really good. She taught me how to control the flow of my thoughts, and how to tell when I'm messing around in someone else's head."

Ren made a noise kind of like a depressurizing cabin. Finn, still too tired to care about being suicidal, added, "She's amazing, really incredible. I'm so honored she's teaching me."

Ren moved. Finn got his arms up in time to block, but it didn't matter: Ren didn't try to hit him. He only crowded Finn against the far wall, glaring down at him with bloodshot eyes.

He looked awful, like he hadn't slept in days. Finn didn't think of the not-mussed bed. He didn't think of Ren's broad shoulders, inches from his. He didn't think about Ren's long fingers, wrapped around his shoulders.

He didn't think of anything at all, and so Ren didn't say anything. He only bent his head, sniffed - like an animal! What was wrong with him? - and then stalked off, all swirling black cape and invisible Force storm cloud.

-

Finn had been right: they didn't get anything from the stormtrooper. Multiple members of espionage tried, and Rey did too. She came to hang out with Finn afterwards, her expression closed-in and disturbed. He thought it was because of what the Resistance was asking her to do, until she said, "I hadn't realized it was like that for you."

Finn managed, barely, not to ask what part of it all she meant. "It's, uh. Pretty rough."

She half-smiled and hugged him, so tightly he could barely breathe. He took the intended comfort and did his best to squish the anger that came with it. It wasn't Rey's fault that the Resistance was - well. Ignorant, that was a good word - about stormtroopers.

Of course, then the shit really hit the fan, in the form of a summons from Reyes.

"Sir," he said, saluting.

He could feel Reyes' unease when he said, "Finn, thank you for coming. You're aware the Resistance is currently holding a TK-class stormtrooper?"

"I captured her, sir. I'm aware."

"That's right, you did. Well done. Well, no one's been able to crack her just yet, and some of our best have tried."

Finn didn't quite manage not to wince at his terminology. "I'm sorry to hear that, sir."

"It happens. That's the nature of the beast. But when I spoke to the General, she seemed aware that we were withholding a certain...tool. A Force user who's aware of the various little traps the First Order puts in stormtroopers' heads."

Finn's brain froze for the first time since he'd been ordered to fire on villagers in Jakku. "Sir?"

"I'm talking about Kylo Ren, son."

"Sir." He licked his lips and swallowed past the sudden dryness in his throat. "You know I'm a stormtrooper, right?"

"You're a citizen of the New Republic, last I checked."

"Yes, sir, but I'm also - I'm still - I mean, I was one of them. I don't know if I'm the person to say - this to."

"To say what?"

Get it out, Finn told himself. Don't be a coward. "I don't want to help Kylo Ren torture a prisoner, even if you think she's - not a person. Sir."

Reyes smiled. "That's what I'm looking for. Good for you."

Finn blinked.

"General Organa told me to expect this; I'm glad her assessment of you was spot-on, as it usually is."

"Sir?"

"You're going to go with Kylo Ren and make sure he doesn't go too far. The New Republic is still debating the legitimacy of Rights of Sentience for stormtroopers. We're the Resistance for a reason: none of our prisoners will be denied basic rights."

"So you're sending Kylo Ren in as an interrogator?"

That got him a dry smile. "Yes. We've tried everything - everyone - else. He's skilled, he knows how stormtroopers are..."

"Brainwashed. You can say it."

"Yes. Well. General Organa says he might go too far; she suggested we bring you in, to regulate him."

Finn wanted to protest, could feel the words building in him. He'd never been impulsive before rebelling, and now it was like he couldn't stop. He even opened his mouth to say something almost guaranteed to be risky and disrespectful, but Reyes held up a hand.

"We'll be watching him. It'll be...think of it as a controlled explosion."

"Have you ever seen Kylo Ren angry? I mean really, really out of control, and fully dark side?"

"I've seen recordings."

"Well, I've seen it personally. It's not a controlled explosion. Sir."

Reyes regarded him with almost-perfect impassivity. Finn didn't know if it was the Force letting him know that Reyes was nervous, or just his own good instincts. Either way, it was comforting in its own perverse way. If Reyes felt entirely confident about this "let's let our pet bad guy do interrogations" scheme, Finn would've known he really didn't get just how dangerous Ren could be.

"Okay," he said when Reyes didn't reply. "I guess I can do that."

Reyes ran him through some basic safety stuff, giving him a panic button in case the observation room lost contact and reminding him over and over not to do anything stupid to stop Ren from hurting the stormtrooper. Finn didn't really understand why that was what they thought they had to emphasize. It wasn't like he had a history of those kinds of heroics.

He met Ren outside the interrogation room. Someone had apparently warned him that Finn would be there; his face did a weird twitchy thing and Finn felt his emotions spike weirdly, but he didn't object to Finn following him inside.

The stormtrooper sat at a desk, her hands bound with energy cuffs. She looked at them both with a perfectly blank face. Finn stood in the corner while Ren sat down across from her.

"Do you know who I am?" Ren said, his voice quiet and even.

She didn't reply, didn't even twitch.

"My name is Kylo Ren, recently Master of the Knights of Ren. I could reach inside you and break your mind into little pieces, if I wanted."

She blinked placidly.

"Or, I could make you sing the praises of the Resistance. I could turn you into their most devoted slave. Look at FN-2187 over there. Look how obedient he is."

Finn honestly hadn't been sure what to expect, but this was flat-out creepy. And the stormtrooper didn't even look at him, just kept staring straight ahead. They'd had 200 hours of interrogation training; nothing was emphasized more in mental conditioning. He wasn't sure what Ren was trying to accomplish.

"Once you're kissing General Organa's feet, I'll send you back to the Supreme Leader. And then, of course, they'll send you to be...fixed."

A silent scream tore through the room.

Finn jerked back, hitting the wall. Ren didn't glance back, but Finn saw his shoulders stiffen. The stormtrooper still hadn't moved, but -

"Ah, there it is," Ren said. "Do you want to know what your fear feels like?"

The screaming doubled in pitch. The stormtrooper's eyes watered, just a little. Finn fell to his knees, his thumb hovering over the panic button. This hadn't been part of the deal. This hadn't -

He'd never know if he actually heard General Organa in the room, but something, her real voice or just his own memories, got hold of him long enough to say, Finn. Focus. Shield. And because he was a good soldier, he did it, reinforcing his mental shielding as best as he could.

The screaming faded enough for him to stand; it didn't disappear altogether, not remotely. His hands still shook even as the stormtrooper finally spoke.

"I don't know what you want."

"All the information you have locked away in there. Codes. Battalions. Plans."

"I was infantry." She spoke with near-condescension; Finn had to give her credit for that. "You know more than I do, sir."

"Maybe I just want to hear you talk."

The pressure from Ren increased, then. Finn could feel the stormtrooper resisting, and Ren pressing forward. There was a horrible look on Ren's face, equal parts glee and determination. He was hurting her - he knew he was hurting her - but he didn't care, or he was enjoying it. Finn felt sick watching, horrified as the wrongness of the moment expanded and consumed the room.

This, this darkness, was what he'd been brought in to stop. "Ren," he said, a little too sharply.

He saw the moment Ren realized what he was doing; he felt it, too. Ren's shoulders hunched, his hands went in fists. The stormtrooper looked between them with a puzzled frown.

"I," Ren said, and broke off in a near-sob.

Finn took a step forward, readying himself to press the panic button, and -

Darkness. Pain. Pressure, so strong Finn felt himself about to break.

Speak. Speak. Give me your secrets. Show me what's under there.

It was an intrusion of the worst kind. Finn fell to the floor, trying to fight it off and then, as he felt the darkness increase in response, giving up. Ren couldn't stop himself right now, that much was clear. Better Finn than the stormtrooper.

The room disappeared. Finn found himself back on the old ship, the first ship, where he'd woken up and been given his designation.

They beat the small ones; they always had. Finn had forgotten most of it, or had tried to, until right now. Fire, pain in his face and his fingers. Broken bones mended too slowly to be easily forgotten. And - conditioning - always a threat. Finn had been - he had - even in this Force-induced nightmare, the thought faded.

There was more to explore. Cold teachers. A man Finn thought, somehow, might be his father, until he realized he wasn't, until he realized all the other FN-class stormtroopers were missing their fathers, too. Endless drills, loyalty training, weapons training, training training training -

Finn came back to himself with a cry. He looked up at Ren, staring down at him with horror on his face, and hit the panic button.

-

So, the interrogation attempt had gone really, really badly.

He'd been debriefed with the kind of careful handling that meant he had a file somewhere with a big old red flag on it. He hadn't seen Ren at all. Presumably they assumed Finn would run away from him, or maybe try to punch him. He wasn't really sure they were wrong. What had he been thinking? Had he been thinking? Finn had thought he was making good progress with the General, but being in the room while Kylo Ren lost control had really put a damper on that. He had known so many kinds of fear. None of them measured up to the full, implacable weight of the darkness in that room.

Well. He had two days' leave after the interrogation, and he spent a good day and a half of it convincing himself not to desert the Resistance entirely. He felt mostly confident that no one knew what had gone through his mind, but then he got the schedule adjustment that put him in General Organa's office first thing after his leave ended.

"General," he said, trying to tamp down his wariness as much as possible.

Her smile said she wasn't buying it. "Finn. Thank you for coming."

"It was on my schedule, sir."

"Oh, all right. Yes, I'm worried about you. I don't think any of us had anticipated my son redirecting his - efforts - towards you."

Finn had had plenty of time to think about it, in theory. He hadn't been able to make his mind actually go there, had instead done his best to just - ignore it. All of it. "Yeah, I didn't either."

"And you're okay, the doctors tell me."

"Sure."

"Finn." Said with unbearable gentleness. "Be honest with me, now."

Finn hadn't cried in years. They didn't just punish anyone who did; it was trained out of you, along with everything else. Right then, though, he couldn't have stopped himself from crying if Phasma herself had a blaster to his head.

What surprised him was that the General hugged him, arms tight around him, radiating comfort in a thoroughly non-Jedi way. He let it all out, big shoulder-heaving sobs, and eventually he felt okay enough to sit back again.

"Go ahead," he said after he wiped his eyes.

Mercifully, she did. "We debriefed Ben after the incident. He says he couldn't stop; he claims he didn't do it on purpose."

Finn forced himself to rewind the event in his head, picturing the look on Ren's face and the sudden spiraling lack of control. "He's probably telling the truth."

She nodded. "He wanted me to pass on his apologies; you certainly don't have to accept them."

"No, that's all right." He could be - gracious? Conciliatory? Whatever he needed to be. If they weren't kicking Ren out, and they weren't demoting Finn, he'd have to deal with it.

"Well, then." Leia clapped her hands with the brisk relief of someone who was ready to drop a subject. "Let's get going with your lesson, then."

Between the early Force training and his mid-morning gym work, Finn was exhausted by the time he got to the mess hall. The pilots usually ate on third shift, so he took a table alone and made his way through his jumble of local vegetables and meat of dubious origin.

The long shadow that fell across his table halfway through his meal was almost not a surprise. "Ren," Finn said. "Sit down, I guess."

"Thank you." He sat, apparently blithely unaware of what Finn had thought was a pretty hostile tone.

After a long moment of silence, Ren said, "General Organa finished the interrogation. The stormtrooper had a few useful pieces of intelligence regarding the location of various classified First Order factories that I was unaware of."

General Organa finished the interrogation, Finn repeated to himself. He tried to imagine what that might look like, what she'd done. He couldn't come up with anything that didn't make him feel sick with fear. "That's good."

"I didn't want to see what I -"

"Stole from me?"

Ren pressed his lips together. It wasn't a good look, made him look even more sallow and parsimonious. Then again, what did Finn care what he looked like? "What I happened to see," Ren said, like stepping around the reality of it - the brutality - could somehow make it better.

"I didn't want you to see it, so we're even there."

"But we're not!"

It came out of Ren like it'd been wrenched from him; Finn struggled to keep his face impassive even as Ren's eyes widened, obviously aware of what he'd given away.

"I mean," Ren said after a tortured moment, his voice going gravelly like it might in the middle of a fight, "I mean...I owe you. Something."

"Your own childhood trauma?"

Finn regretted it as soon as he said it, but that was nothing compared to how he felt when Ren blanched. Sickening waves of horror rolled off him, so strong that Finn had to bring up his still-new self-protection techniques.

"Or, you could just buy me dinner."

Ren tightened his fingers down against the table; they both watched as they stopped trembling. "The food here is free."

"Some other time, then."

"How do you do it?" Ren said.

"Um -"

"You look fine. I dragged out of you - the most awful things. Worse than I've ever - but I'm like this." He held up his shaking hands and laughed, bitter, hatred directed entirely inward. "What do they do to stormtroopers? I need something to fix my cowardice."

"Um," Finn said. His brain was spinning; the pressure from Ren's mind, the panic and fear, set him off too. "Nothing much, really. Brainwashing, mostly. Beatings, which you saw."

"So it's just you, then?"

Finn didn't lose his temper, quite, but he did feel - a spark. Irritation, rushing rich and heavy through his veins. "Come on. You know I can't tell you that. How would I even know?"

"Have you ever seen your compatriots collapse, screaming, in agony?"

He had. And Ren knew that. He was baiting Finn, and Finn was midway through falling for it.

"You're an asshole," Finn said, and returned to his food.

He looked up several minutes later, halfway through a sticky bun, to find Ren still staring at him. "Oh, come on. What?"

"General Organa told me to study you."

"You mean your mom - wait, what?"

"She called me a coward, too. She told me that if I wanted to know what bravery looked like, I should look to your example."

Finn had always missed his parents, but right now he wasn't so sure he'd trade his missing parents for Ren's very present mother. "Okay."

"So I'm looking."

Finn wasn't going to ask what he saw. He wasn't. "She probably didn't mean literally."

Ren smiled, a narrow mostly-grimace. "You've met the General."

"Yes. Your mother."

"Ben Organa's mother, you mean."

Finn rolled his eyes and went back to his sticky bun. But when he finished it and moved on to the veg skewers, Ren was still sitting there, still staring at him. "This is ridiculous."

"She threatened to make me follow you around. Watch you. Imitate you."

"Did she tell you you could tell me this?" They sounded like the kind of empty threats meant to scare someone straight, not something General Organa would actually make Finn put up with. Probably. Hopefully?

"You're not going to tattle."

Finn didn't know what it was. Maybe it was the weirdly intimate tone, or the way Ren leaned in and spoke a little more softly; maybe it was his eyes, disturbingly intent on Finn's face, or his hands, just inches from Finn's own. But suddenly everything was too much, and Finn had to leave.

"Whatever." He abandoned his veg and stood. "You should talk to a base doctor or something. You've got some serious issues going on in there."

Ren let him leave, at least. He probably knew he'd be arrested again if he didn't.

-

The thing was, he'd had bad memories for a long time. He'd learned to deal with them, or more accurately to deal around them. He couldn't do anything about his past, and dwelling on it would only make him less effective.

Ren had ruined that for him. He understood now what he'd been trying to do: redirect the power to someone who could deal with it, keep from going full dark side again. As someone with a lot of vulnerable bits and no ability to fight off an uninhibited dark side user, Finn appreciated it. He just also had nightmares, and felt jumpy, and kept wanting to snap at people or start fights where he would've just brushed things off before.

The Resistance had a lot of options for someone going through this kind of thing. There was a building with little sensory deprivation pods, where you could talk out your problems with an AI or watch soothing holovids for hours on end. There were exercise courses that you could book to ensure you'd be alone. There was alcohol, and in Poe's words, 'you've got a bunk and a sex drive'.

Finn tried the pods, and the exercise. He didn't try the sex, mostly because he was worried he'd do something weird with the Force and traumatize either himself or a partner for life. He even thought about talking to General Organa a few times, but he couldn't quite figure out how to politely say, "Your son just totally wrecked my psyche and I think he'd do it again and enjoy it in the moment, does that worry you?"

So he did what he'd done as a soldier, back in the day: he patrolled the perimeter. After he walked past it three or four times, the spot where he'd dreamed about kissing Ren became just another spot on the base. He walked and walked, listening to the animals in the trees and the water in the brook on the other side of the monitoring fence. He took deep breaths of slightly too-humid air and spent time sitting on hills with weird-looking bugs ambling past him. It was healing. Eventually, if he did this enough, he'd be healed.

"Hey."

Finn didn't jump, but only barely. "Ren. Are you - what is -" Nope, actually, the spot he'd dreamed about was only a few hundred feet away, Finn could see it and it was suddenly about as easy to ignore as a battlecruiser.

Ren held up a hand. For a moment, Finn's mind was blank except for a shockingly strong, horrible image of Ren touching him, grabbing his shoulder or hip or -

Nope. He slammed the door on those thoughts and focused on the wristlet that Ren was actually trying to show him. "Remote monitoring," Ren said.

"Would that stop you from - uh, doing dark side stuff?"

"Dark side stuff?" Ren raised his eyebrows. "You mean hurting people."

It was a sign of how terrible he was, and how appalling Finn's - inclinations - were, that Ren required clarification, sounding doubtful that hurting people qualified as the dark side. "Yes, or killing them. Maiming." Invading their minds, he wasn't quite mean enough to say.

"They can kill me through it," Ren said. His mouth quirked up in one of those not-quite-smiles he liked to do. "So relax."

"It's messed up that you think knowing that relaxes me."

"Really? I relax when I know I'm not in physical danger from an enemy."

Finn knew he was being baited. The problem was that he really didn't know what to say in response - or if any response was appropriate. He didn't think Ren was exactly an enemy, but what did that make him, a friend? The dreams he'd been having burned in his mind just as strongly as the fear he felt when he remembered the way Ren had intruded in his memories. No, definitely not a friend, but then - what was he?

"Ugh," Finn finally said, at a loss to be more eloquent.

Ren's expression closed up, which was how Finn noticed that he'd been slightly more relaxed for a second. "I came out here to bring you this," he said, and dropped a device in Finn's lap.

Finn snatched it up like it might be a grenade - but it was just an oddly welded black stone.

"It's a channeling device," Ren said when Finn didn't respond. "Not dark side, or anything like that. It should just - help. With all your problems."

"All my problems, huh?" Finn rotated it, watching the light reflect off it, reaching out with the Force. He didn't feel much of anything, but maybe the General would have more insight. Or maybe Ren was just bringing him a bit of nonsense for his own reasons.

"I know you don't approve of my joining the First Order -"

"Massive understatement. Huge."

"- but I did learn a lot when I was there. The power of channeling my emotions, the value of controlling them, was part of that."

And, okay. Finn remembered how he'd thought the first few months after he escaped the First Order. He remembered the fear, the conviction that fighting wasn't worth it. He knew Ren had been under magical influence, brainwashing kind of like Finn's. But -

"You joined up because you wanted power. You gave a whole bad-guy speech about it. We have video! Do you seriously think you can justify that? Any part of it?"

"I think justification isn't the same thing as acknowledging the Republic's flaws."

"Right, being in touch with your feelings and not murdering people, those are the worst things a person can do."

"What do you want me to say? You want me to apologize? That's not going to happen."

"I want you to admit you were wrong, you arrogant kriffing jerkoff!"

Ren shut his mouth with a click of his teeth. Finn realized, with sudden dizziness, that he'd stood up at some point, was inches from Ren, blood pounding in his ears. They both just breathed for a moment, on the edge of hitting each other, or -

Do not think it, Finn told himself.

Finally, Ren spoke, his tone as distant and cold as it had been that first day in his cell. "Keep the magnifier, or throw it in the bushes for a tree squaller to choke on: I don't care." He stomped off in a swirl of black fabric.

Finn threw his head back and stared at the sky. If only he could notice changes in Ren's behavior before they disappeared again, then maybe he wouldn't feel so - so -

Weird. That was a good word for it, nice and neutral. Ren was weird, being able to use the Force was weird, realizing that his heart was racing because of Ren's aggravation as much as his own was weird. The whole kit and caboodle was extremely, incredibly weird.

He tucked the magnifier in his pocket and sat back down on the hill, devoting the next hour to doing his best to forget about it entirely.

-

They kept the younger ones in the crappy assignments, generally, far away from places with public 'net access or really fancy architecture or anything. The thinking, Finn had since read, was that young stormtroopers were very unlikely to defect because of grueling work: the initial conditioning and years of training took care of that risk. Put a young and impressionable soldier in an environment where they might notice good stuff the Republic had accomplished, or art that made them daydream about freedom, and suddenly the risk of defection increased.

Since he'd gotten his freedom, Finn had seen a lot of fancy buildings, a lot of beautiful people, and a lot of high-quality clothes. He'd read good books and eaten amazing food. But he hadn't had a lot of time for any of it, and the Resistance's tenuous status within the New Republic meant that he didn't have credits to buy himself any of the nice things. He'd seen his first physical painting a few months ago, after over a year of visiting museums with holo-productions. It had taken his breath away, despite looking basically the same as a projection.

For some reason, he dreamed of that visit the night after confronting Ren. He knew it was a dream - the way the walls slid muddily into the floor was a dead giveaway, as was the fact that he was in a beautiful, enormous Core World museum and didn't feel a bit of anxiety about his mission.

"The Vista of the Outer Rim," said Ren, who was randomly standing beside him. "The First Order tried to burn this, you know."

"You failed?"

"They did."

Yeah, definitely a dream. The real Ren couldn't unthinkingly distance himself from the First Order like that.

"Not yet," said dream-Ren.

Finn turned back to the painting. The lines of grey smoke, the wispy stars, made something in his chest ache.

Slowly, the dream faded into one of the usual nightmares. Ren disappeared after that, and Finn woke up at his usual time. He almost tripped over the package sitting outside his door on his way to breakfast.

Well, "package" was a generous word. It was one of those cheap disposable holopads. Finn picked it up and almost initiated a data transfer to his own holopad before it occurred to him that he might be unwittingly participating in espionage. Instead, he turned it on.

The screen faded into black. White letters said, 'Please stop projecting your dreams all the time. -Kylo'

Oh, no.

He flipped to the next display. He wasn't sure what he thought he'd see, but he almost dropped the pad when it projected one of the painting master Jominia's works into the air. It was an obnoxious gift, clearly meant as a taunt as much as an apology, and the idea that the Ren in his dreams had been actual Kylo Ren was enough to spook Finn thoroughly.

But the painting was beautiful, and Finn hadn't seen it before.

In the end, he transferred the data to his own holopad. It came with a coupon for the physical book it was based on, bringing the book down to the low, low price of five times Finn's annual salary. But even the holocopy was amazing. It had five hundred Republic-era paintings, and extensive biographies of all the masters included. The paintings were all rendered in perfect depth and definition, and the holocopy had all the best compression and acceleration technology, so that Finn could see the paintings in their real size and, for some of them, compressed enough to fit in his room.

So, yeah, it was an obnoxious gift. It was also so weirdly perfect that Finn wanted to punch Ren for giving it to him.

He couldn't punch someone who was technically still a prisoner, but he could and did track him down that night to say, "I didn't know I was projecting my dreams."

Ren looked up from his dinner - which he was eating alone, because everyone else wanted to punch him too - and said, "My mother must not be a very good teacher, then."

"Shouldn't you know?" Finn said without thinking.

He wasn't going to feel bad about the way Ren's face went all closed-off at that. He wasn't. Ren's family problems were entirely his own fault.

"You should tell her about it," Ren said. "I'm telling you this for your own protection. Anyone who can enter your dreams can also...influence them."

Finn immediately thought of every embarrassing sex dream he'd ever had. "Well, thanks for the late warning, I guess."

Ren looked at him for a moment with absolutely no expression, then stood and began to stalk out of the mess hall.

Following him would be a dumb move, Finn thought, and he wasn't going to do it. Only -

"Hey!" He ran out of the mess hall, following Ren down one of the base's many labyrinthine corridors. "I wasn't done!"

"I can't imagine what you think you might say that would interest me."

Finn acted without thinking, pushing Ren against the wall. His only thought was to stop Ren from moving - from running away. But Ren glared at him with murder in his eyes, gasping, and Finn...

Finn had to focus. He dragged his mind back to the present. "I was trying to say thank you."

Ren's suspicion didn't diminish. He looked like he expected Finn to take it back, and maybe try to hit him. Of course, Ren was the one with years of Force training, who'd terrified Finn every time he came anywhere close to him. Ren was the scary one, not Finn.

But Finn could feel Ren's panic, a thick and inescapable cloud, even as Ren said, "Well, look, it was just a book, I don't - I'm not -"

Panic, panic, and then suddenly Finn's mind filled with a beautiful image. He was up in the air, over some city that he didn't recognize but that had to be incredibly wealthy. Bio-crystal melded flawlessly with durasteel, spiraling up into the sky. The city walls were shaped like graceful waves, the buildings like icy flames reaching towards the atmosphere. Two bright red suns lit up the crystal, creating an effect like a casino light show. It was so beautiful that Finn forgot to breathe, much less shove Ren away.

When the image disappeared, Finn gasped. He was standing closer to Ren than he had been before. Ren looked at him, still with that odd lack of expression, still with fear lurking in the emotions Finn could pick up.

"You..." Think, Finn told himself. "You told me not to project my dreams."

"Yes."

"I can feel how scared you are."

"I'm not -" Ren clenched his jaw and glared.

"Am I supposed to be able to feel it?"

"You're not supposed to be able to feel anything. You're a stormtrooper. We screen for these things."

"I was a stormtrooper," Finn said. "And it's not 'we' anymore, unless you really want to be imprisoned again."

What he felt then went further towards convincing him this whole "rehab Kylo Ren" thing was working than anything else: shame. Thick, oily waves of shame, flowing off Ren even as Ren avoided eye contact.

Finn stepped away. "Thanks again," he said. "I, uh. I appreciate it. I have a lesson with the General now."

Ren nodded, still not looking at him. Finn, tired of being brave, booked it down the hallway as fast as his feet would carry him.

-

General Organa clearly knew something was wrong as soon as she saw Finn. She said, "What's on your mind?" and the 'tell me the truth' pressure was unavoidable. Finn explained the dreams, omitting the weirdly nice gift, but admitting that Ren had told him he could sense the dreams. By the time he was done, the General's eyebrows had climbed so high she looked like a festival mask.

"Well," she said. "This is...unexpected."

"Sir?"

"Let's sit down." She spun on her heel and marched - there was no other word for it - to the low-slung cushions at the far end of the training room. Finn sat down across from her, trying not to look nervous, but twisting his hands together in spite of himself.

"You can pick up on what other people are thinking and feeling," the General said.

It wasn't a question, but somehow he still got the impression she wanted an answer, so he nodded.

"I'll continue training you on how to block that ability if you need to - or use it, when you need to. But you should be aware right now that it's fairly difficult to just happen across another person's dreams."

Finn blinked. "Um. Sorry?"

For a moment, the General's expression - well. Finn had never really seen her be stoic. Controlled, sure, but it was almost a point of pride with her to stay emotionally connected, invested, the opposite of the First Order. She'd told him as much. But right then, her expression calcified, like she was worried about what Finn might see if she didn't hide her feelings.

"Proximity, mutual contact, and focus are usually what allow us to use the Force to sense others' thoughts. If my son sensed your dreams, it's very likely because he was already focusing on you."

Finn was about to ask what that was supposed to mean when the pieces clicked together; after that, he couldn't speak at all for a few minutes, because he was very, very embarrassed.

Finally, he said, "So. Um. I mean, maybe he was just still mad at me. We haven't always been getting along, you know, I'm sorry, but he's -"

"Difficult." Was the General blushing? "Yes, I know. It's not my business either way, but you deserve to have the knowledge at your disposal that will help you make, ah. Good choices."

She couldn't know about the kiss. There was no way. Unless she was reading his mind right then, which - oh, Force, how likely was that? What if she knew? What if she disapproved? Or worse, what if she thought that was a good way to convince Ren to stay in the light, what if Finn was nothing but a good behavior reward, what if all of this was a lie and he was just a tool, just like he'd been with the First Order, what if -

"Finn!" The General reached out and grabbed his hand, gripping so tight he knew he'd have a bruise. "Finn. Come back."

She probably couldn't hear his thoughts. Okay. "I'm...fine," Finn said. "Let's just keep going with the lesson."

He was not fine. After he finished up with the General, he went to hunt down Poe. The pilots were never on their communicators, but they all seemed to know at least one other pilot's schedule by heart, so he asked one of them, and that one helped him track down Testor, who in turn led him to Poe.

"Wow," Poe said. "What happened to you?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"You look kind of...whatever the step right before 'actively walking the plank' is."

"Ha. Ha."

"No, I'm not joking, buddy, you look grim." Poe slung an arm around his neck. "What's up?"

It would be easier, Finn thought, if he were into Poe. Poe was a good guy, funny and nice and super hot, in that way where everyone agreed. He wasn't the kind of guy where you'd tilt your head and go 'I guess his personality's really great?' and he also wasn't the kind of guy where you'd go 'seriously, him?'. He was a nice, normal, well-adjusted, smart, talented pilot who half the stormtroopers Finn had grown up with, of all genders, would die to date.

So of course Finn looked at him and just thought: friend. Poe is my friend. And every time he thought about Ren - well. If he thought about it long enough he'd know what it was, so he did his best not to think about it at all.

"I don't want to talk about it," he finally said.

"Okay. Wanna drink about it?"

"Please, yes."

The Resistance base was perpetually short on gunner oil and caf in all its forms, but somehow they never quite ran out of booze. This time, it wasn't even someone's droid's brew; the glass bottles announced that the liquor was 'the finest the Outer Rim has to offer'. "Not sure that's something to brag about," Poe said - but by the time they got three drinks in, neither of them cared.

"The thing is," Finn said, "the thing is, the thing - I just. Why are we keeping him here?"

"Ben? Hey, it's for the cause."

"The cause. Yeah."

Poe snorted into his drink. "I love when you do that. It's hilarious."

"Do what?"

"Act like you don't care."

"I do not!"

"Oh, you sure do. You know, Rey told me about your whole, gonna bolt thing. You were kidding yourself, man. I was there, remember? I know you're in it for good."

Finn wanted to protest. Okay, fine, he was with the Resistance, but he wasn't - he couldn't be - he hadn't told -

"It's a secret," said a cold voice above them, echoing the thought Finn couldn't quite wrap his very drunk mind around.

Poe's voice went flatter than Finn realized it could be. "Ben."

Ren didn't object to the name this time. He sat down across from Finn, next to Poe. He nodded at Finn and said, "Dameron."

Poe snorted. "I'm over here."

"I'm aware of that."

Finn could...Finn was drunk. But Finn could feel so much just then. Ren's anxiety and whirlwind of terrible thoughts, no surprise there. But also he could feel Poe's earnest concern and his weird, intense mixed feelings towards Ren. He could feel the whole universe outside, dancing, whirling.

Oh, no, the whirling wasn't the Force. Well, maybe it was the Force, but also -

"I'm gonna get some water," he said, and lurched to his feet.

He made it to the cooler and got his water without incident. Poe and Ren were both sitting over there, not speaking, not even looking at each other, which was fine by Finn: he kind of thought if they tried to talk about their history, one or both of them might cry.

But over here he could still feel both their emotions. The Force surrounded them, dark and polluted where it touched Ren, shining bright all around Poe. He still wasn't used to seeing it all like this; he didn't think he ever would be, really. But he took a deep breath and let it soak in anyway, the determination, the bravery, the will and the love and the tiny frozen speck of terror and the surety and -

Wait.

He raced out of the room as soon as he realized what he was feeling, dimly aware of people shouting behind him, but unwilling to stop and see what they wanted.

Down twisted corridors, out through emptying pathways, past the maintenance hangar, behind the droid station, he found her. She was crouched down behind some ship scraps, fumbling with a communicator that he immediately knocked out of her hands.

He wanted to say something a Resistance officer would say, like 'who are you?' or 'come with me, First Order infiltrator!' Instead, what came out was, "Unit and designation!"

Her hands shook. She didn't quite look at him. He thought she must know who he was - what he was - how could she not, when every stormtrooper he met called him traitor? But she only said, "I'm - I escaped. I'm - I escaped."

"Finn!" Poe shouted, racing up to him. "What happened - oh. Oh, no."

It was all a blur after that. They summoned some on-duty Intelligence officers to take the stormtrooper into custody. One of them questioned Finn, and he tried to explain that yes, she'd defected, but no, she wasn't like Finn, and no, he didn't understand why. They didn't say anything about their previous captive, and Finn didn't ask. He had the feeling that they'd tell him if he did, but he knew he couldn't handle the answer, whatever it might be. So he gave his report and shook his head when they asked him if he had any questions, and that was the end of it.

Hours later, after he'd sobered up and slept, and conscientiously avoided Ren, the General summoned him.

The walk to her office was just long enough for Finn to work himself into a near-panic about the night before. "General, I want to apologize for my conduct. I shouldn't have been so, um, drunk, and I'm still not sure how I found her, and I know I wasn't very clear when I gave my report -"

She held up a hand. "Finn. Sit down, would you?"

He sat.

"First of all, you're allowed to be drunk when you're not on duty." A faint smile touched her lips. "I'm not sure we'd have any pilots if that weren't the case. Second of all, I assumed the Force led you to her. Was I wrong?"

Remembering the terror he'd felt in the Force made him flinch. "Um, no."

"Then your eyewitness report - in the capacity of an off-duty officer, who was as observant as any other off-duty member of the Resistance - was accurate. Correct?"

Finn nodded.

"Wonderful. We're in agreement, then." She tapped the holofilm in front of her. "We managed to convince the young woman to tell us what brought her here."

Don't ask, Finn told himself. Keep your head down. It's probably fine.

He blurted, "Sir, what does 'convince' mean? Did you compel her? Drug her?"

"Torture her?" the General said, echoing what he hadn't quite been able to say. "No, we didn't. I calmed her down, and our doctors ensured her physical stability - with her consent - until she could talk to us."

Finn swallowed. "Oh. Thank you."

"Of course. She had some interesting intel. Did you know stormtroopers are equipped with a kill switch?"

"You mean on the suit? Yeah, it's so we - they - it's for decommissioning. In the case of, um, mutiny." He hadn't thought about it in a long time; now, saying it as Finn the Resistance Sergeant made him stumble over what he thought was common knowledge. "The Resistance, I mean, don't we have intel on that? It's back here." He tapped his neck. "You need to hit the right frequency, and it requires physical proximity, but -"

It would drop an entire unit in half a second. It was why they were required to keep their helmets on, or part of why, at least.

The General didn't respond for a moment. Finn reached out with the Force, as carefully as he could, but he found only smooth, tightly controlled nothingness. He couldn't get through it any more than he could punch through granite.

Her voice revealed just as little. "I see. Well, I was referring to a phrase, nonsense syllables. According to this young woman, when spoken in a stormtrooper's presence, the kill switch removes the conditioning you spoke of."

Finn blinked. "That's not possible. Even Order 66 was considered too risky for later iterations."

"Our guest assures me it is."

"The other stormtrooper - did you test it?"

"We don't possess the switch yet." The General folded her hands on the table. "That's where you come in. Our intel indicates the kill switch is considered among the most classified information the First Order possesses. Digital copies exist, but they're rare. One is rumored to be held on the Supremacy. We're not sending you there."

Finn began to breathe again.

"The other is on Arkanis. That's where you'll be going."

"Oh," Finn said. And then the real briefing began.

His mind still reeled with information at the end of the day. He was due to ship out at the beginning of his next shift, so he ate in his room and sent Rey a quick message with what details he could give her. He wanted to tell her more, to ask for her opinion and her help, but -

What could he say about the Kylo Ren thing that wouldn't make her sad? Finn was pretty sure the answer was 'basically nothing', at least until he managed to squash the weird - whatever - between them. So he didn't mention it, and as a result his message looked sterile even to him.

"Welcome to being a spy, Finn," he muttered, and hit send.

He didn't yelp when someone knocked on his door, but it was a close thing. "Ask the robot next time!" he yelled, then said, "Computer, who's out there?"

"Kylo Ben Ren Organa," the computer said.

Finn groaned.

"Should I tell him to leave?"

"No." He'd yelled too loud for that. "Let him in."

The door slid open to admit a glaring Ren. When he didn't say hi, Finn said, "So what's the deal with your name?"

"Excuse me?"

"Computer, who is standing in front of me?"

"Finn, the person in front of you is Kylo Ben Ren Organa, Resistance citizen and enemy of the Resistance."

Finn looked at Ren and raised his eyebrows.

Ren's entire face bloomed red. It was so sudden and violent a color that for a moment Finn was wholly, completely distracted.

That distraction was what enabled Ren to surprise him. He stepped forward, pressed his hands on either side of Finn's face, leaned in until his lips were a whisper away from Finn's, and...

Stood there. Just stood there, kind of breathing on Finn's face, face still bright red, fingers clammy on Finn's temple.

"Um," Finn said, "are you going to, uh."

Ren kissed him.

The really embarrassing thing was, it didn't really occur to Finn to push him away. He felt the kiss so strongly that for a second he thought Ren was using the Force, and for a second it thrilled him, and for a second it didn't even occur to him that he might be in danger.

Even as self-awareness rolled over him, Ren made a low desperate noise and pulled him closer, and - he wanted this. They both wanted this, so Finn pressed back, rocked his hips against Ren's, pressed him against the door and dug his fingers into his hips. Ren was hard against him, moving in jerky starts and stops like he didn't know what he wanted to do first, or at all.

It was really, painfully hot. So was the way Ren touched him, like he was something precious that might bite or break, kissing his neck and pressing a hand against Finn's dick, stroking the outline of it against the fabric, making a pleased noise when Finn thrust against him.

He was so pleased, actually, practically buzzing with it. Finn could feel his nerves, his fear that bled into excitement, his overarching all-consuming need for affection and touch and -

Ren pushed him back as suddenly as he'd pulled him in. "Get out of my head!"

It took him a minute to realize how deep he was, another minute to pull back. It had felt more natural than it ever had before, which was one scary thing, but the other -

He said it as it came to him, as the bits he'd pulled from Ren without thinking coalesced. "You've never done this before."

Ren was red again, or he'd never gone back to his normal shade. "Shut up! Yes I have!"

But even thought Finn was back in his own head now, he could feel the lie, like oil on his skin. "No, you haven't. Ren -"

"Don't call me that!"

"What should I call you, Ben?"

"I - no! Don't call me anything!"

"I was going to have sex with you! For the first time! That's - I can't say, what, 'hey, you, can I stick it in now'? Come on."

"What, like you've done it before?"

Finn's brain went back for a second, to hands under thin sheets, muffled breathing, feelings he told himself were illusions, because any other option would break something really vital.

"Oh, kriff," Ren muttered.

Finn scowled. "Don't. You just told me to get out of your head."

"You're practically screaming." Ren's expression was twisted, ugly. Finn wanted to fix it, and he also wanted to not want to fix it.

"Look, this was a mistake," he tried.

"You've got that right," Ren muttered. But he didn't move away from the door.

And he still wanted Finn. No matter how much Finn tried to ignore it, or shield himself, he could feel Ren's desire, and admiration, and the tangled dark mess of feelings that surrounded those little Finn-oriented bits.

Ren must have felt something from him, or maybe he just realized what a bad idea this all was. Even as Finn took a deep breath and prepared himself to step forward, Ren stepped to the side, out of Finn's reach, and said, "I really do prefer Kylo."

"It's your evil-guy name," Finn said.

"It's the name I chose. I can't feel my Master up here anymore." Ren tapped his temple. "But I'll never go back to being my mother's son, regardless of how badly she wants me to."

His mother, Finn thought. Not 'Ben's mother', but his. Maybe there was hope for him, and maybe Finn cared, a little.

But he was still leaving the next day. He kept his mouth shut as Kylo said, "You're right, though. It was a mistake. Good luck on Arkanis."

And then he was gone.