It would make sense if it started over a girl, but it didn't, not really. Mikey was pretty sure Alicia would hit him if he said it started over her. It also didn't start over Pete, even though Pete was the one Mikey sidled up to on the first day of school.

"Wanna buy some movies?" he said in the most Mafia-ish voice Frank had been able to teach him.

"Mikey Way!" the guy said, turning around so quickly he almost fell over. He saved himself by looping his arms around Mikey's waist, leaning in.

Mikey blinked. "Was I drunk when I met you, or something?"

"You've never met me," the guy said cheerfully. "What kind of movies?"

Oh. He was hot, Mikey thought, and apparently either ballsy or stupid, to be hanging all over Mikey in the middle of school like that. It was nice. "Mostly Disney," he said.

"I own all of them. Eat lunch with me," the guy said, and tugged his hand.

"Even the unreleased ones? 'cause I have bootlegs from China and shit."

Pete just shook his head, grinning. Mikey let himself be pulled into the cafeteria.

||

Alicia, Mikey learned quickly, was Pete's girlfriend. Except on days when she wasn't. "It's complicated," Alicia said when he stuttered out a question about them. She didn't even stop texting.

Pete had a habit of asking Mikey over, only to abandon him on the steps to make out with Alicia for five minutes, only in turn to abandon both of them and hop over the neighbors' fence to harass the cat. When Mikey explained it to Ray, Ray scrunched up his face and said dubiously, "Why do you put up with him?"

"Because he likes him," Frank sang, giving Mikey a wet willy.

Mikey rolled his eyes and shoved Frank away. "God, you're like...twelve."

"Fourteen!" Frank stopped, looking up at Mikey seriously. "But he's got a girlfriend, Mikey."

"Yeah." Mikey looked away from both of them, picking his feet to stare at instead. "Yeah, I know. It's complicated."

||

Pete and Alicia never fought, as far as Mikey could tell. They never did much of anything. They liked to talk and make out and watch movies and smoke up together, but it was all really low-key. Mikey wasn't even sure if they were having sex, although he would be if he was either of them.

"I don't get it," Pete said one day. "Why do you hang out with us?"

It was a really excellent question, actually. Mikey shrugged. "I like you."

"You've got shitty taste," Alicia said, and laughed.

When she lit a cigarette, Mikey couldn't help but watch her fingers. He wasn't sure what it meant when Pete glanced at his face, then at Alicia's hands, and grinned.

||

They never went to school dances. The first time Mikey was kind of humiliated, because he thought it was just because they were too nice to let him be a third wheel. When he asked them, though, Alicia snorted.

"Not everything is about you," she said. "School dances are just lame."

When she tossed her head, the braids she'd had done whipped around and smacked Pete in the face. "Bitch," he said, and kissed her neck.

Pete did go to soccer practice, though. It was a weird little bit of school spirit mixed in with all the goth stuff they did. Alicia dragged Mikey along to sit in the bleachers, of course, insisting on playing her clarinet and totally ignoring Pete as he ran laps and shot goals.

Mikey couldn't help but sneak looks at both of them, because they were both really hot. He just hoped they didn't notice.

||

Their first fight wasn't even a fight.

"He won't fuck me," Alicia said. "You'd fuck me, Mikey, right?"

Mikey blinked. "I don't -"

"It's not that simple, Alicia," Pete said. His voice sounded high and strained.

"Whatever," Alicia said. "Sarah and I are going out. Don't wait up."

Mikey watched her walk away. He was having a bad week, sleeping too late and never really wanting to get out of bed, which was maybe why it took until Pete whispered, "So that's it," for him to realize what had just happened.

"That, um." He floundered for the words. "That really sucks."

Pete nodded jerkily. "She's awesome," he said. "I - she's really awesome."

"And hot," Mikey said. "Why didn't you...you know. Why?"

Pete winced. Mikey didn't realize why or what it meant until he turned his head and kissed Mikey full on the lips.

Oh, Mikey thought. "Oh."

"Yeah." Pete got up. "It just didn't seem fair, you know? I'd be thinking about her, but...whatever. I'll see you around."

It was totally unfair, Mikey thought, to feel like he'd just been broken up with. He'd never even gotten to date either of them.

||

It was his fault for leaving his phone on: Pete called stupidly early.

"It's six in the morning," Mikey said when he picked up the phone. "What are you doing?"

"Not sleeping," Pete said. "Want to go out?"

"We've got class."

"Hickeys don't take long."

Mikey wanted to say no, because Alicia was his friend and Pete was his friend and there was no part of this that was a good idea. But he thought of Pete smiling at him, and putting his arms around Mikey's waist, and -

"Okay," he said.

"Awesome. I'm on your front steps, come down when you're ready."

"Creep," Mikey said, and hung up.

||

He was expecting kissing, maybe groping. Instead Pete held his hand and talked about Eliot. Mikey listened as politely as he could, because even when he was (really, seriously) weird, Pete was a good friend and fun to be around.

But Alicia not being there made a huge hole in everything, and Mikey knew he wasn't the only one who felt it.

"I'll see you after school," Pete said when the morning bell rang. He actually went on tiptoe and kissed Mikey on the cheek.

Mikey didn't know what to say, so he just nodded.

He didn't see Alicia in any of the classes they shared. He wasn't worried about her grades, or anything, because she was plenty smart and good at convincing teachers she'd totally been too sick to come to school - but he also knew she and Pete had more in common than she ever wanted to let on, and that was what had him texting her in fifth period. hey is sara tking care of u?

The response came almost right away. why do you care mikeywentz

thats unfair

sos boyfriend stealing i didnt know you swung that way

He knew what she was fishing for, but he couldn't stop himself from responding. ur hot 2 u know

She didn't answer.

Pete ambushed him right after last period ended, grabbing his hand and pulling him out to his giant, ugly station wagon. "Let's go get ice cream."

He'd long since learned that Pete's over-the-top smiles and manic behavior were always layered on thickest when Pete was fucked in the head. It was still a little weird to let Pete shove him in the car and tear out of the parking lot and realize this was totally Pete's rebound.

Except Pete didn't kiss him, not once. They bought ice cream and went walking around town and sometimes Pete held Mikey's hand, but he didn't even kiss his cheek.

It wasn't until Pete drove Mikey home that he managed to get up the guts to blurt out, "What are you doing?"

Pete blinked at him. "Driving you home. Or." He turned the car off. "Letting you out, I guess."

"With me," Mikey clarified. "What the hell are you doing with me."

He looked a little ashamed, at least. "I don't know?"

"We're hurting Alicia," Mikey said. "And you haven't even kissed me, even though you keep talking about it."

"Pick one or the other, Mikey." Pete tightened his hand on the steering wheel. "Either we should stop because we're hurting her, or we - "

Mikey wasn't an impulsive person, which was why it freaked him out when he leaned forward and kissed Pete hard.

"Or we what?" he said, and almost ran inside.

Gerard was out with Lyn. Mikey was more than a little glad, because it meant he could turn up The Cure and stick his face in his pillow and not even have to worry about anyone trying to get him to tell them what was wrong.

||

He fell asleep before he remembered to turn his phone off, which was why when Alicia texted him at three in the morning, it woke him up.

i was an asshole im sorry
you deserve him just as much as i do i just miss him. its pete u know?

Mikey did know, which was why instead of texting back, he called her.

"I didn't want to take him," he said. "But I kissed him first. You should know."

Alicia's laugh sounded strangled. "This is your idea of comforting?"

He knuckled his forehead. "No. No, it's not. Sorry."

"He wouldn't fuck me, but we did oral. He's really easy for blowjobs and he ate me out, but I don't know if he's actually into sucking dick." She was speaking almost too quickly for Mikey to understand her. "If you want to have sex with him I'd be cool with it, but I'm still going to be you assholes' friend."

Mikey spent a few seconds scratching his thigh before he said, "I seriously have no idea how to answer you."

"I'm going to go to sleep," Alicia said, still in that funny too-quick tone. "Talk to you later."

Mikey was asleep as soon as she hung up.

The next morning, he half doubted the conversation had even occurred. It was too bizarre, too fucking personal; Alicia was never like that with anyone. But when Pete showed up to pick him up, Alicia was in the car.

"Hey," she said. Her eyes had huge bags under them, and she wasn't smiling.

"Hey," Mikey said. He half wanted to get out, but she didn't even hesitate, just slid into the backseat.

No one talked on the ride to the school. Mikey was pretty sure this wasn't what being friends was supposed to feel like; Pete and Alicia wouldn't even look at each other, and Mikey didn't think he could even peck Pete on the cheek in front of Alicia.

"I'll get a different ride home tonight," Alicia said the second Pete turned the car off. Before Pete could answer, she hopped out of the car.

"You guys have a lot in common," Pete said.

Mikey shook his head. "Is that why I'm your rebound?"

He was tired enough that it took him awhile to realize Pete hadn't answered. When he looked over Pete was staring at him, looking stricken.

"Shit," he said. "I didn't - come on. I didn't mean it like that, Pete."

"It's true, though." Pete shrugged. "I don't want it to be, but it is."

Mikey glanced around, making sure Alicia was actually gone, before he leaned forward and kissed Pete. It wasn't the same quick, bravado-filled kiss as the night before; this one was slower, sweeter.

It took until Pete reached up to cup his jaw, kissing him more deeply, for Mikey to realize he didn't want it to be, either.

This time, it was Pete who pulled away. "Class," he said, sounding hoarse. "We have to - we have class."

Mikey made a face. "What happened to being rebels and skipping?"

"We still have to pass," Pete said.

Mikey rolled his eyes and went to grab his books. When he straightened, Pete was still looking at him. "Come on, man. Get your stuff."

"I will," Pete said. He reached out to touch Mikey's cheek gently. "Maybe you won't be."

It took everything in Mikey for him to huff a breath and get out of the car.

||

He wasn't expecting Alicia to sit with them at lunch, and she didn't - but she also wasn't at the band nerds table, or sitting with the art kids. She wasn't anywhere in the lunch room, he realized when he stood on a chair to look.

"Sit down, you're embarrassing," Pete said.

"Alicia's not here."

Pete looked shifty pretty much immediately, which was why Mikey didn't even hesitate in sitting down. "Tell me."

"She'll be in the band room," Pete said. "She always eats there when she's upset."

This time, when Mikey stood up, it wasn't on a chair. "Come on," he said, grabbing his tray.

"What the hell?"

"Come on," he said again. "Either we're friends or we're not, we can't be like this with her."

"We can't just leave the lunchroom," Pete said, but he stood, too.

Mikey nodded towards the door. The art teacher, who knew Gerard and by extension Mikey almost scarily well, was the monitor. "Can too."

It was a mark of how much Alicia wanted to hide that, when they got to the band room, she was nowhere to be found. "You were wrong," Mikey said.

"Wasn't." Pete put his tray down. "Come on, I bet she's in the back. We made out in there a lot."

Mikey stifled the defensiveness he could feel starting, following Pete back into the tiny instrument room.

"It smells like feet in here," he said.

Alicia looked up from where she was cross-legged on the floor, eating a homemade sandwich. "Fuck off."

"No," Pete said, dropping to the floor. "Hey, Mikey, can you grab our food?"

It didn't occur to him to say no until he actually left and got the food. Pete and Alicia were exes, they could totally be making out by now.

The thought didn't bother Mikey as much as he thought it should have. Probably because he trusted Pete not to do that, he thought, and went back in.

They were sitting quietly, not even looking at each other. He handed Pete his tray and sat down halfway in between Pete and Alicia, putting his own tray in his lap.

"This tastes like ass," Pete said a few minutes later, poking his mashed potatoes.

"You'd know," Alicia said snidely, then winced. "I didn't -"

"It's okay," Mikey said quickly.

He was only a little surprised when Pete agreed. "But I totally haven't licked his ass yet," he said, eating a huge bite of mashed potatoes.

"Please never tell me when you do." Alicia shoved her trash in her paper bag, leaning back and sighing. "You guys didn't have to come back here."

"We did," Mikey said, ignoring his blush and looking her in the eye. "You're our friend."

"Mikey, look." She shook her head. "I know I said it first, but that's not true, we both know it."

"Yes it is," he said too loudly. "If I could be friends with you two while you were dating, so can you."

It barely made sense in his head, and definitely didn't when Alicia looked at him like he was an idiot. "You weren't Pete's ex."

"So what, I should break up with Pete so we can all be friends again?"

"Fuck off, that doesn't even make sense," Pete said.

Alicia tucked her knees up and glared at Pete. "Neither does what you did to me."

"People break up, Alicia. It happens."

"Stop being an asshole," Mikey said before Alicia could respond. "Just...both of you, God."

"And you?"

Mikey shook his head and didn't meet Pete's eyes. "I'll stop if it would make things better."

"It would make things worse," Alicia said when Pete didn't answer. "We just...we need time, okay?"

Despite the fact that she was talking to Mikey, she was looking at Pete. Pete clenched his jaw and gave in, looking down. "So. We should leave you alone, huh?"

"Please," Alicia said.

Pete didn't even hesitate, just stood to leave. Mikey wanted to protest, but he wasn't actually brain damaged; he followed right away.

||

"What's on your mind?" Pete said later that day. They were lying on Pete's bed together, taking a halfhearted stab at actually doing homework.

"Alicia," Mikey said.

He felt Pete stiffen next to him. "Well. Okay, then."

"Not like that." Mikey shook his head, frowning down at the mitosis diagram in his Biology book. "It was just really obvious you guys had dated, is all."

"I thought about telling her I loved her."

"So hey," Mikey said loudly. "Mitosis."

They went back to studying with the subject awkwardly not-quite-changed.

When Pete's mom yelled, "Bye, honey!" and the sound of their car starting up floated upstairs, Mikey knew what was going to happen. He was only surprised that Pete waited fifteen minutes before saying, "So fuck studying," and pulling Mikey on top of him.

Mikey'd done the making out thing before, but not with Pete; it made a weird amount of difference, like all things with Pete did. Pete kissed like he thought it was a movie, deep and - well, it felt meaningful. Mikey thought maybe it was, because Pete meant everything way too much.

After two hours of not even trying to get under shirts, though, Mikey was getting a little impatient. "Hey, do you think," he said, and pulled at the hem of Pete's shirt.

Pete blinked up at him. "I was waiting for you," he said, and raised his arms.

It made him look like a little kid. Mikey shook his head and pulled Pete's shirt off. "That's not how sex works," he said, kissing Pete's collarbone.

He felt the exact second Pete tensed under him. "Sex?"

Mikey forced himself to nod. "That's what we're doing now, right?"

Pete's answer was to pull him down and kiss him harder.

In the end they barely got their hands on each other's dicks before they both came. "That was a little lame," Mikey said, wiping his hand on Pete's sheets.

"I'll lame your mom," Pete said, and kissed Mikey's chin sloppily.

Mikey couldn't help but guiltily think of Alicia, missing Pete and feeling betrayed by Mikey. It wasn't fair to her any more than it would've been fair to Mikey or Pete to not do this.

"Hey," Pete said quietly. "She's not - she's not part of this. Stop."

"I could've been thinking about something else."

Pete shook his head.

"Okay," Mikey said. "But do you seriously think she's not? She has to be. If it's us. She has to be."

Pete didn't answer, and after a few minutes, Mikey put his head on Pete's shoulder and tried to forget he'd even thought it.

||

Over the next few weeks, Mikey only saw Alicia a few times, and never when he was with Pete. He and Pete got closer and closer, comfortable with handjobs and making out now. Boyfriends, even though they never said the word; Mikey couldn't regret it, even though he knew he probably should.

When winter break rolled around, Gerard and Lyn were spending almost all of their time being gross in the living room, ignoring Mikey when he complained. Gerard came into Mikey's room one night to talk about boundaries and being comfortable with your siblings finding happiness, but seriously, Mikey just plain didn't want to see anyone swapping that much spit.

So he spent a lot of time hanging out at Pete's for two days, until Pete said uncomfortably, "So, um. We're going out to my aunt's for Christmas."

Mikey flipped to the next page in Cosmo (the article was talking about licking your guy's balls, which Mikey thought sounded nice, but not as shocking as the cover had promised). "Cool. Where does she live?"

"California," Pete said tightly.

So Mikey was stuck back in his house again.

He survived until Christmas Eve-Eve-Eve, as Frank called it, before breaking. "I gotta get out of here," he said.

"Sorry, man," Frank said. "Bob and me are going out to my grandma's tonight."

Bob and Frank weren't actually related, but Frank dragged him everywhere. Mikey hadn't quite figured out why. "Fuck you, asshole," he said, and called Ray instead.

"It's just," Ray said earnestly, "there's my brothers, and my cousins, and their kids, and my grandparents -"

Mikey hung up on him, too.

To hear his guidance counselors talk, being a loser would come back to bite him in the butt when it came time to apply to college. Right now, though, he could feel being-a-loser's teethmarks, and it was nowhere near time for higher education. "Crap," he muttered, and reluctantly dialed Alicia.

"If you're calling to say Merry Christmas, you're early and I don't want to hear it anyway," Alicia said.

"I actually kind of. Um." There was no non-toolish way to say it, he realized. "Can I hang out at your house for a few days?"

"Until Christmas?"

He nodded, then smacked his own forehead and said, "Yeah. I'm just kind of...Gerard and Lyn, and Ma's doing her weird Christmas mood crap, and it'd just be nice to be away for a few days."

He was almost positive she was going to turn him down. Hell, he'd turn himself down, with everything that had happened. But she sighed into the phone and said, "Fine, whatever. Come over. Bring a sleeping bag, though, there's no way you're sharing my bed."

"Thank you," Mikey said - but she hung up so quickly he was talking to the dial tone.

Her brother let him in, glaring at him like he thought he was hiding an axe in his backpack. "Be nice," he said, closing the door with an ominous click.

Mikey swallowed hard and almost ran up the stairs.

Alicia was sitting on the bed in a tank top that made her nipples really obvious. Mikey looked at the floor so fast he almost made himself dizzy. "Hi."

"I seriously have no idea why you want to come here," Alicia said. "It's boring as shit."

"That's kind of why, actually."

"Whatever." Alicia leaned back, holding her book over her head. Mikey looked away again. "You can sit on the floor, or something."

"Thank you," Mikey said. He hoped she didn't realize why he was so glad.

She didn't seem to care when he turned on her TV. He was content with the thought of watching South Park reruns for hours on end, but halfway into the first episode, his phone buzzed.

"Sorry," he said, and stood to leave.

"I don't care if it's Pete," Alicia said vehemently. "You're already here, don't be. Don't be fucking stupid, okay?"

It was Pete. Mikey answered.

"Do you think people can own parts of the moon?"

"What the fuck," Mikey said. "No."

"What about Antarctica?"

"No again."

Muffled, Pete said, "Mikey says no to both."

"Pete, what the hell is going on?"

"Nothing," Pete said. His voice had that crappy fake-happy thing going on again. "Have a good vacation."

He hung up.

Mikey stared at his phone for a minute, like it was actually going to give him any answers, before shrugging and tucking it back in his hoodie pocket.

"You seriously have no idea, do you?"

Alicia sounded almost amused. He craned his neck to look at her. "Should I?"

"Pete's extended family are all assholes. He'll be doing that until New Year's." She shrugged. "His family makes mine look awesome instead of kind of lamely boring, if we're being honest."

One of her braids was brushing her jawline and he couldn't stop staring at it. "Oh. That sucks."

"Yeah," she said, and flopped back down again.

Her boobs bounced. Mikey winced and looked away.

||

A day went by and nothing happened, except Mikey had a boner a bunch and Alicia wouldn't stop practicing her clarinet way more than anyone on winter break should. "Shut the fuck up," she said, and went back to trying to figure out how to make red lip liner and black lipstick work.

Then Pete called again. "Hey, Mikey. Mikey." He was breathing heavily.

"Pete?"

"I'm breaking up with you," Pete said in a rush. "I just. I haven't slept, man, I had a dream and I haven't slept."

It was like getting hit with a sledgehammer. "What the fuck?"

"Nothing. Nothing, we just failed, is all." His laugh was wild, almost desperate-sounding. "We failed. I have to go, it's almost breakfast. Bye."

He hung up.

For a split second, Mikey actually thought about telling Alicia. She was looking at him right then, confused as hell, and he could feel his face scrunching, getting ready to cry. It probably wasn't real, except it was Pete so it was, and really what it boiled down to was, "I have to go."

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He stood up, grabbing his bag. "I'll see you. Um, around. I have to go."

He made a beeline for her door, but she was faster, plastering herself over it like she wasn't even skinnier than Mikey. "Fuck no," she said, and grabbed his phone.

Her expression softened when she saw the recent call list. "What did he say?"

'None of your business' stuck in his throat. So did 'fuck off'. "Broke up with me," he said, his voice stupidly high, hands shaking.

She looked pissed now. It figured, Mikey thought, who was he to be falling apart when he'd broken up with Alicia and gone over to Mikey, and he'd insisted he was just a rebound so it made sense, and -

"God, get over here," Alicia said, and pulled him over to her bed.

He didn't even have the brain power to ask what was going on, not even when she threw her tie-dye blanket over his head and pulled him into a hug. "He's such a fucking moron," she said.

He sniffled and her hand went to his back, rubbing in circles.

"And anyway," she added, "it might not be forever."

"It was for you," he blurted, and immediately felt like a tool.

"Shut the fuck up," she whispered, but she lay down and pulled Mikey half on top of her.

It felt nice. The blankets were still tented on their heads, and they smelled nice, kind of like weed and guy soap. It was comforting.

"Just go to sleep," Alicia said. "It'll look better in a few hours."

He closed his eyes, but he'd woken up just a few hours ago, and he couldn't force himself out of consciousness again. He gave up the charade when Alicia started shifting under him, obviously uncomfortable. "It's cool," he said. "Can we...I don't know. Play the Playstation?"

They spent the rest of the day eating Christmas cookies and failing at Halo. Any other time Mikey would've been fully prepared to stay up half the night, but he spent enough time thinking about Pete and trying not to cry like a total asshole that when Alicia tossed her controller down at 10:30, he was ready to crash.

He crawled over to his sleeping bag and got halfway in it before she rolled her eyes. "Get up here, asshole. You need the hugs."

He was scared as fuck, but not nearly scared enough not to do it, curling up and pressing his face into her neck. She did the back-rubbing thing again, hooking a leg around his, and it was warm and comfortable even if it didn't really take his mind off Pete.

Falling asleep that time was weirdly easy, considering how much of Alicia's tits he could feel. He woke up too soon, though; her clock was glaring 4 AM and she was still fast asleep, arms around him.

She was really pretty, he thought, watching her face. He didn't know why Pete had broken up with Alicia and moved on with Mikey, when Alicia hardly had any zits and didn't wear stupid glasses and kind of looked like a girl who should be in a magazine.

Mikey was twiggy and zitty and generally gross and, he told himself, he shouldn't be surprised that Pete ended it sooner rather than later.

Thinking about it was stupid, he realized, because...fuck, he was going to miss Pete. It was so stupid to whine but it wasn't fair, wasn't fair that Mikey lost him so soon and wasn't fair that Pete was going to move on from both of them.

He was taking too-deep, jerky breaths before he even realized it; Alicia was stirring and he knew he should shut up, but he couldn't stop the thoughts or the actions that came with them, not-quite-hiccups and, fuck. Tears.

"No," Alicia mumbled. "Mikey, no. Stop. Just...Mikey." She propped herself up on an elbow, shaking her head. "It's okay."

"It's not," Mikey said. He pressed his face into her pillow. "I'm stupid. Christmas sucks."

She slid down, pushing him down and hugging him with her whole body. "You're not. It doesn't. God, just shut up."

She was still soft and she still smelled good and later Mikey would blame the fatigue, but that wasn't really why he leaned up and kissed her.

"Oh fuck," she said when he leaned back. "Fuck, Mikey, we can't."

He was about to apologize when she kissed him.

It wasn't making out; Mikey was pretty sure they were both too scared for that. But they kissed for a long time, clinging to each other with hands very carefully not touching anything important, until Alicia yawned into the kiss and Mikey agreed to try to sleep again.

It was nice. Mikey tried not to think of either of their broken hearts.

||

He had to go home for Christmas Eve and Christmas itself. On Christmas Eve, after they'd been sent down to the basement, Gerard padded into his room in footie pajamas and a Santa hat.

"Aren't you a little old for that?" Mikey said, not even bothering to look up.

"You say that every year." Gerard sat down on the bed. "Come on, Mikey."

"No."

"Something's going on. I don't always think with my dick, you know."

He put the comic book down, frowning. "Good thing, since I'm your brother and all."

Gerard was stupidly and totally justifiably confident when it came to knowing Mikey was going to spill. He raised his eyebrows and waited.

Mikey sighed. "Fine, asshole. It's - Pete broke up with me."

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"...and Alicia and I made out," Mikey said.

Gerard's eyebrows were going to start a competition with his scalp grease soon. "Isn't she Pete's - "

"Ex? Yeah." He forced himself to unclench his fists. "I miss him."

"That's maybe not the best way to deal," Gerard said.

He didn't know how to explain it to himself, much less someone not-them. "It's," he said, and stopped. "It's complicated."

"Okay," Gerard said. "Hey, move over."

At least, Mikey thought as Gerard settled himself on 3/4 of the bed, there was no danger of weepy makeout sessions this time.

||

Mikey didn't call Alicia and she didn't call him, and up until New Year's, he figured they were just going to forget about it.

But at five minutes to midnight, when he was lying on his bed feeling supremely sorry for herself, she let herself in.

"Should I even ask which one of us you're missing?" she asked.

"Should I?" Mikey said.

She shook her head and sat on his bed. "Sit up, loser."

"It's not midnight yet," he said, but he obeyed.

"I know."

She kissed him anyway.

||

They didn't talk about school, and he kind of assumed the whole thing would end with vacation until she showed up on his doorway the first day back.

"Come on," she said, holding out her hand.

They walked to school like that. Pete was flopped down on the grass, talking to a guy holding a trumpet case; "Oh, yeah, that's Patrick Stump," Alicia said, and looked away, pressing closer to Mikey.

Probably, Mikey thought, this was an even stupider idea than letting himself be Pete's rebound. That didn't stop him from kissing Alicia before he went to his locker, though.

||

He kept his phone on silent in class and generally forgot to check it in between, which was how he got to fourth period without noticing that Pete had texting him sixteen times.

"Shit," he muttered, flipping his phone open.

i want us to be friends
patrick gets me i think that kid will be my bestfriend but i like you and alicia and youre good together
i dont want to lose you because im a idiot
mikeyway i know youre getting these
mikey
ok look just let me explain in person
dreams are worse than insomnia almost patrick says i should tell u

On and on. "Jesus."

"It's not Easter," Alicia said behind him.

He shook his head, turning around. "He's crazy," he said, handing Alicia his phone.

She bit her lip, scrolling down and clicking on each. "Jesus Christ."

"Was he like this with you?"

"He never even called me."

She didn't look jealous, just sad. Mikey took his phone back and kissed her. "We can miss him together this time."

"That's not comforting, Way," she said, but she walked to lunch with him.

||

It took Pete almost a month to approach them while they studied in the library.

"Mikey," he said, standing with his right foot cocked weirdly, not looking at either of them, "can I talk to you?"

He glanced at Alicia. She didn't even nod, just quirked her eyebrow in a way he knew meant yes. "Sure," he said, standing up.

"I just wanted to apologize," Pete said when they were out of earshot.

It was mean and unfair and Mikey knew it, but he crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows anyway. "For what?"

"Breaking up with you." Pete took a deep breath. "Patrick says -"

"Patrick's your boyfriend?"

"Patrick's my friend," Pete said. "And he says I should explain it to you."

"I get it, Pete." He couldn't even keep the look up long, had to stick his hands in his pockets and stare at the floor instead. "You had a dream and decided you were better off without both of us. Totally understandable."

"Will you stop saying that?"

"You did have a dream."

"Not that. The - the us stuff. I'm talking about you, not Alicia."

"You can't do that," Mikey said without even thinking about it. "It's both of us."

Pete blinked. "Oh."

"So?"

"...nothing," Pete said. "I'll see you later. Okay?"

"Okay," Mikey said, distinctly aware that at some point, he'd completely lost track of the conversation. "Uh. Pete?"

Pete actually smiled at him. "Seriously, it's nothing," he said. "Thanks for talking to me."

"I didn't say anything," Mikey said, but he was talking to Pete's back, and then to nothing.

He shook his head and went back to sit with Alicia, shrugging when she asked him what Pete had wanted to say.

||

Over the next few days, he turned the conversation over in his head a hundred times, trying to find whatever hidden meaning had made Pete drop the whole thing. He failed pretty epically. One thing was getting clearer and clearer, though, as he and Alicia kissed and hung out: this whole thing was pretty unfair to both of them.

"Hey," he said tentatively, a few days into February. "I've been thinking..."

"About us breaking up?" She nodded. "Me too."

"Wait." He blinked hard. "What?"

"That's not what you were going to say?"

Kind of. "Not exactly."

She squeezed his hand even as she shrugged. "We were never really set up for longterm. We can still be friends."

"And Pete?" he forced himself to say.

"Can be friends with us too."

Mikey wasn't totally convinced, but...friends. God, it was tempting. "Okay."

||

Just like that, Pete started hanging out with them again. It made him feel insanely guilty, knowing he and Alicia had pretty much stopped Pete from being with them; but then, he'd done the same thing with Pete. It was hard, even knowing how mad they'd both be if he voiced it out loud, to keep himself from thinking he was the whole problem.

He didn't know if Alicia had explained everything to Pete or not; it probably didn't really matter. Their tense not-quite-friendship was almost a relief after one of them being missing for so long.

But he missed touching them at stupid times: Pete when they all went to IHOP at 4 AM, Alicia when they'd crash in each other's rooms, opening up a window just for an excuse to wrap themselves up in (separate, always) blankets.

They forgot a few times, too. The worst one was on the first warm day of February. They were outside, listening to Blur on Mikey's crappy little boom box. Pete threw his arm around Alicia and kissed Mikey on the cheek sloppily, mouthing the words against his cheek and neck.

Mikey froze; Alicia stopped laughing.

Pete pulled back from Mikey, already bright red. "Shit. Sorry. That was stupid."

"It's okay," Mikey said, but he couldn't look Pete in the eye.

"Not really." And before Mikey could process it, Pete had leaned over and kissed Alicia's cheek too, trailing his lips down her neck. He pulled back and laughed, too loud and high. "See? Now you're even."

"Pete," Alicia said quietly.

"Let's go inside," Pete said. "I'm starved."

Mikey followed, very deliberately not looking at Alicia.

||

He thought about it a few times, like you thought about being a rockstar or joining the circus: might be cool, never gonna happen. Pete was too fucked up - hell, they were all too fucked up, and sharing like that never worked.

Just friends was good. Just friends would last longer than a few months. Just friends wouldn't end with them crying stupidly on each other's shoulders.

Of course, just friends wasn't what any of them actually wanted.

Pete was at the dentist's and Mikey was sharing Pete's bed with Alicia when she finally asked. "So what did he say to you that day?"

Mikey didn't open his eyes. "Hmm?"

"In the library. What did he say?"

"Oh." Mikey tried to think through the sludge of his own crappy memory. "Um. He was just apologizing and I think he was going to talk about his dream, but I said whatever, he'd broken up with us and that was fine, and he told me to stop saying us so I told him it was us, not just me."

"And that was it?"

Mikey nodded. "Pretty much."

Alicia was quiet for long enough that Mikey finally turned to look at her. "What?"

"Did you ever." She took a deep breath. "Come on, Mikey. You know what you were saying."

He shook his head, but then it jumped to the front of his mind: us. "Oh."

"We could," Alicia said.

"No fucking way. That never works, not even on TV."

"That's a dumb argument."

He could feel himself getting stupidly, embarrassingly scared. "It won't work. It'll fall apart and everything will suck."

"Nothing else is working either," Alicia said. "And please don't say this is, because you know it's not."

Dealing with pressure had never been a skill of his, and right now he felt like his entire skull was seconds from caving in. Still, he swallowed and nodded. "We have to wait. For Pete, I mean."

Alicia curled around behind him, nodding against his neck. "Okay."

He tried to wiggle away when, a half hour later, he heard Pete thumping upstairs. Alicia shook her head and held on, though, and before Mikey could protest, Pete was opening the door.

"Um," he said, eyes wide. "Guys? What's going on?"

"Don't run away," Alicia said. "We were talking."

"About us. The three of us," Mikey said.

Pete swallowed hard. "The three of us?"

"Being together. You know, dating."

Mikey didn't have anything to add to that and Pete was completely frozen, eyes moving from one of them to the other. The silence got bad enough that Mikey almost winced when Pete finally said, "You guys look good together."

That was easy. He rolled out of bed, putting his arms around Pete's waist. "We're better with you."

He'd never had anyone look at him like Pete was now, scared and weirdly trusting. He guided Pete back to the bed, pushing him down gently. Alicia didn't bother moving aside, just put a leg over Pete's and kissed his cheek. "So much better. It's not even a contest."

Mikey watched the way Pete's hand looked taking hold of Alicia's braids, how Alicia's lips looked fitting against Pete's. It was a familiar sight, but he'd never stared openly like this, had always been scared of getting caught.

Now, when Alicia looked over at him, he just smiled. "Cute."

"I'll show you cute," Pete said, and pulled him down.

Alicia watched them kiss, and then Pete nudged Mikey towards Alicia and watched them in turn. It was nice, even though Mikey kind of thought they'd look stupid to an outsider. Then again, and outsider didn't know how awesome it was to kiss Alicia with Pete's hand on his hip, or to close his eyes and rest his head on Pete's shoulder and have Alicia's hand on his back.

In the end they didn't do much except kiss gently, holding hands and figuring out how to arrange so many limbs on the bed. Mikey was a little weirded out when he looked up at the clock and realized more than two hours had passed.

"I have to go home," he said, sitting up reluctantly.

"Shit, me too." Alicia looked at Pete. "Tomorrow?"

Pete nodded. "Definitely."

Three-way kisses were more awkward nose bumps than anything else, but Mikey left smiling anyway.

||

"I'm pretty sure that doesn't go there."

"Shut up, it does."

"No, like. It's too small. There's no way."

"Hah," Mikey said, and the puzzle piece popped into place.

Alicia rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I could have been right."

"In an alternate universe where I was wrong," Mikey said.

"This is boring." Pete plastered himself against Alicia's back, frowning down at the board. "Let's play more GTA."

"You're only saying that because you memorized all the cheat codes," Alicia said. "Hey, Mikey, give me that piece by your elbow."

Mikey handed it to her while Pete wiggled even closer and kissed her neck. "Tha - Jesus Christ, that's cheating," she said, but her head fell forward.

It had been obvious before and was just as obvious now that Pete and Alicia had done way more than Mikey and Alicia ever had. He never felt jealous, exactly, but it was weird to watch Pete be so comfortable with groping her when Mikey and Alicia had barely gone past frenching.

"What's wrong?" Pete asked.

Alicia looked up through her braids. "Mikey?"

Mikey shook his head. "Nothing. Just feeling weird, is all."

Alicia nodded. "Hey, Pete."

"Hmm?"

"Fuck the puzzle," she said, and left both of them for her room.

Pete grinned; Mikey looked over at him. "We're following?"

"Hell yeah we're following," Pete said. "Come on."

It hadn't occurred to him that by the time they got to her room she'd be naked and waiting for them.

"You're both really slow," she said, but she was blushing bright red and Mikey couldn't stop staring.

"We weren't sure if you - hey."

Pete's tone made Mikey tear his gaze away from Alicia. He had one eyebrow raised and a crazy speculative look on his face. "Have you two ever, you know. Done anything?"

Mikey blushed. It was Alicia who said, "Shut the hell up, Wentz."

"It's not bad," Pete said, rolling his eyes. "Come on, it's just kind of hot is all. You're like virgins."

"You have a warped idea of what's hot," Alicia said, but she looked uncertain.

"Come on, seriously." He held out a hand. "It is hot, and awesome, and I want to watch." He looked over at Mikey. "She's fun to eat out, you know. Serious noises."

"Pete!"

When he looked back at Alicia, his expression was soft. "Come here, please?"

Mikey would have gone without a second thought; he wasn't surprised when Alicia did, too.

Pete pulled her onto the bed and then leaned back, kissing her. She was all sprawled out on top of him, and Mikey couldn't look away, couldn't stop himself from watching her ass and her back and her legs.

They rolled easily, and to Mikey's surprise Pete broke the kiss and got up. Alicia just lay there, legs spread, eyes on Mikey.

"Can I watch?" Pete said.

It wasn't until Mikey looked at him that he realize how nervous Pete actually was. "I - yeah, man. Yeah, of course."

"Get down here," Alicia said. "I'm cold."

"Hang on a second." Pete moved towards Mikey easily, pulling on his shirt until Mikey raised his arms obediently, then pulling his pants off. Mikey stepped out of them, feeling weirdly shy, but Pete smiled and kissed him.

When he turned back to the bed, Alicia was staring openly, hand on her clit. "Oh," he said, feeling his eyes widen.

"You're really hot." She moved her hand away, and...Jesus Christ, Mikey thought, swallowing. "Come here?"

He almost tripped when his knees hit the bed, but balanced himself just in time, moving down to press against her. He was hard already, and feeling her skin sliding against him made him drop down further, thrusting his hips a little even as he kissed her.

"Pete mentioned eating you out," he said.

She was grinding against him just as badly as he was against her. He wasn't surprised when she smiled and said, "That would work, yeah."

He meant to pretty much go straight to it, but when he moved his lips away from hers he got distracted by her jaw, then her neck, then her collarbone. By the time he'd moved down to her breasts, Pete was getting on the bed, watching them.

"Christ, Mikey," she said quietly when he licked her nipples.

"She gets off on boobs, too," Pete said.

Mikey laughed against her stomach, shaking his head. "Boobs, seriously?"

"Shut up," Pete said.

"Okay." Mikey grinned up at Alicia and kissed her clit, keeping one hand on her hip, the other playing with her nipples.

"More of that," Alicia said quickly.

Mikey nodded, his nose brushing against her. Everything felt incredibly weird, but...

He licked her clit, watching her face scrunch up. Incredibly weird, but also really hot.

"You can grab his hair," Pete said quietly. "He likes it."

When Alicia's fingers wound around his hair, tightening against his scalp, he closed his eyes and tilted his head towards them. "Pete?"

Pete looked up, cocking an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"Kiss her," he said, and licked lower, tasting her.

He looked up in time to see her moan cut off by Pete's mouth. He kept watching as he sucked her clit, working a finger into her. It got to where he didn't know what was keeping him hard, watching Pete kiss her or fucking her, just tasting her, keeping up a rhythm on her clit.

"He's good at it," he heard Alicia whisper. He stopped watching his finger disappear into Alicia, looking up instead.

"Yeah?" Pete touched his cheek. "Add another finger, Mikey."

He knew both of them well enough not to disobey. He did kiss her, though, running his tongue down until it was against his fingers.

Alicia's hips actually jerked against him. "In between," she whispered. "Your tongue..."

Pete opened his mouth like he was going to give an order. Mikey craned his neck so he could keep watching and spread his fingers, working his tongue in between them.

He felt like a tool then, because he didn't realize Alicia was coming until Pete laughed and said, "Good job."

"Fuck off," Mikey said. His lips brushed against Alicia, and when she whimpered and squirmed he realized they were nowhere near done.

"My turn," Pete said. He kissed her and slid down, taking Mikey's wrist and moving Mikey's fingers out of Alicia and into his mouth.

"Jesus," Alicia said.

Mikey was so hard he could barely see straight. He pretty much agreed.

"You can help, if you want," Pete said, and pushed her thighs farther apart, licking her messily.

Mikey wanted to, but he'd have to stop watching first. He knew girls were more sensitive afterwards, so the way Alicia was moaning made sense, especially when Pete just shoved two fingers in and fucked her, sucking on her clit like he was trying to win a contest.

Just when Alicia started getting really loud, though, he pulled back. "Well?"

His lips were shiny. Mikey ducked in before he thought about it, kissing Pete hard. "Well."

"Get up here," Alicia said loudly, so Mikey stretched out where Pete had been and kissed her, too.

"I want you to jerk him off," she said, fingers curling into Mikey's shoulders. "And then - then I'll do you. I want to...ohhhh."

This time Mikey got to hold her when she came, looking down at Pete.

Pete looked downright smug when he pulled back. "I'm going to give you lessons," he said.

"Mikey can give you lessons in sucking cock, then." Alicia flicked his forehead. "Come here."

Mikey smiled at Pete when he lay on Alicia's other side. Pete looked hilariously smug, so Mikey flicked his forehead, too. "You're on the wrong side."

He looked more uncertain when he rolled over to Mikey's side. "Yeah?"

Mikey nodded, turning over towards him, hunching his shoulder when he felt Alicia rest her chin on it. "Yeah."

It was easy like this. Pete loved being touched, always arched his back and made as many noises as Alicia had, way more than Mikey himself ever would. Mikey watched his face closely, waiting until he was clearly almost gone before grabbing Alicia's hand and moving it down, fitting her fingers between his.

He came on Mikey's stomach and the bed, messy as hell, making it even worse by plastering himself against Mikey before he was even done. "Nice," he said.

Mikey snorted against his neck. "You sound like an old man."

"Do not," Pete said.

Alicia laughed. "Do so. Roll over, Mikey."

Mikey obeyed before she'd finished with his name. Alicia kissed him, weirdly slow and sweet considering that he was panting into her mouth and almost humping her leg.

He lasted through her hand touching him and stroking him twice before he gave up and came, clutching Pete's wrist and screwing his eyes shut.

"I told you he's pretty," Pete said.

He didn't have the energy to say anything back, even when Alicia laughed and kissed his neck.

"Can we sleep now?" he mumbled finally, tugging the blanket up.

"Duh," Pete said, looping a leg over Mikey's.

Alicia put her head on his shoulder, foot moving so it was touching Pete's. It was going to be gross and too warm in the morning, Mikey could already tell, but right then it was perfect.

||

"Um," Mikey said the next morning, when Gerard called his phone.

"Seriously, where are you? Ma's going to kill you, you know."

Pete and Alicia were making out over him. Mikey couldn't stop staring. "I. Uh. Sorry."

"Mikey?" Gerard sounded honestly worried now. "What's going on?"

Pete licked Alicia's chin and Alicia laughed. Mikey winced, because it was too loud and - "Come on, Mikeyway," Pete said.

"Is that Pete? I thought you were at Alicia's."

"It's." Mikey frowned. "It's complicated," he said finally.

"But what - ow! Lyn, don't do that! He - what?"

Mikey waited patiently while Lyn talked in the background. He couldn't make out what she was saying, but she sounded amused.

"Ohhhh," Gerard said.

Just his tone was enough to make Mikey blush. "Yeah."

He hadn't expected either of them to grow up that year, really, but Gerard sounded way older than he could have managed last summer when he said, "I'm happy for you. All three of you. Okay?"

"Thanks, Gee. You too."

"I'll tell Ma you just fell asleep early. Love you."

Pete and Alicia were both smiling stupidly at him now. He flipped them off. "Love you too, bye."

"Come on, Mikey," Alicia said, kissing him. "Pete's making us pancakes."

He half expected her brother to crush him like a bug, but he didn't, and her parents were still asleep. Probably it wouldn't work forever, he thought, watching Pete lick syrup off his fingers theatrically - but it was definitely working for now.

||

They broke up twice.

The first was for three weeks junior year, and pretty much happened because Pete was a jackass who refused to apply to the same colleges as Alicia and Mikey. That was fixed with a fight half their graduating class saw.

The second time was for the last two years of college. That wasn't fixed for long enough that Mikey had started to doubt it would ever be, but it turned out that after spending awhile apart growing up, they grew back together.

Gerard and Lyn freaked everyone out by buying a nice house in a small town and getting a garden. Mikey and Alicia eventually gave in and moved out to Chicago with Pete. Mikey was the one Ma told visitors about, because that was the kind of weirdness she took pride in.

And improbably, they wound up happy.