Don't Matter If I Break

Jiang Yanli is so happy when they get Jiang Cheng back that it takes her a few moments to realize how wrong he looks and feels. He’s pale and when he finally wakes up, once they have him settled in a bed in the Yiling supervisory office, his eyes are vacant, not burning with the anger and grief she knows they all feel and she doesn’t know how to help him.

She’s not in the room when Wen Qing examines him, busy preparing pork rib and lotus root soup in an effort to tempt him out of bed, so she doesn’t know exactly what Wen Qing finds. But she knows something is very wrong.

“A-Cheng,” Jiang Yanli says as she reenters the rooms they’ve set aside for Jiang Cheng. “I’ve brought soup.” He doesn’t stir at her words or as she sets up the soup at the low table a few steps from his sickbed.

She checks on him in bed and finds him lying there staring up at the ceiling unmoving, unspeaking, and barely blinking. “Won’t you try to eat something, didi? Just a little, please?” she asks, sitting on the side of the bed with soup in hand. He doesn’t move, doesn’t respond and Jiang Yanli can feel her worry increasing with every moment.

Wei Wuxian comes in after her fifth failed attempt to get Jiang Cheng to eat and she knows by the look on his face that they’re no closer to being safe.

“A-Xian,” she says, gently grabbing Wei Wuxian’s arm as they switch places and he sits at Jiang Cheng’s bedside. “Come have some soup, you need to eat too.”

He nods and joins her at the table, eating his portion but quieter than she’s seen him in years. It makes worry set up shop in her stomach, swirly along with the underlying fear of discovery.

“Did Lady Wen tell you what’s wrong with him?” Jiang Yanli asks as she ladles out some soup for Wei Wuxian. “I’m very worried.”

He doesn’t look at her, focused on the bowl in front of him as he starts to speak. “He has three broken ribs and he was whipped,” he says, to his bowl, still not looking up.

Jiang Yanli takes that in and normally she’d believe that was everything and focus on helping Jiang Cheng heal but she knows Wei Wuxian is not telling her everything, she feels it. “Is that everything?” she asks, gently. Jiang Yanli reaches out and grabs his hand, forcing him to look at her. “It’s just us now, don’t keep things from me. Please.”

“Shijie,” he starts locking eyes with her and then looking back down at his bowl. ‘’It might be better if you didn’t know.”

Jiang Yanli gives him a flat look; she has never been disappointed in Wei Wuxian but she thinks she might be if he starts keeping things from her. “It might be better if our sect wasn’t destroyed. I can make decisions for myself, A-Xian, you’re both my juniors and I need to know.”

Wei Wuxian nods at her and swallows. “Wen Zhuliu destroyed his golden core.”

She gasps. Jiang Yanli wishes she didn’t as soon as the sound has forced itself out of her mouth, but a million different horrible consequences flash in her mind at that knowledge. “How?” she asks and then shakes her head at the stupidity of the question. They all know how, they’ve all heard the tales of horror at the core melting hand. “What can we do to help him?”

“I don’t know yet, I’m working on it,” Wei Wuxian says. He sounds determined and Jiang Yanli doesn’t doubt him.

She nods. “Don’t shut me out when you figure something out, XianXian,” Jiang Yanli says, reaching over to pat his hand. “It’s just us now, we have to stick together.”

He looks at her for a long moment before nodding. Jiang Yanli pats his head and smiles and lets him get back to eating. She isn’t sure if there is a solution or if they’ll need to find a way to hide the fact that the last son of the Yunmeng Jiang sect has lost his golden core but she has faith that if there’s anything to be done Wei Wuxian will find a way. And that gives her a little comfort.

*
Jiang Yanli barely sees Wei Wuxian over the next five days, he disappears with a pile of scrolls and books from the small collection Wen Qing has brought with her. She worries and tries to get Jiang Cheng to eat and worries more.

“Lady Wen,” she calls, as she’s leaving the small kitchen after dropping off yet another meal that’s gone cold and uneaten. Wen Qing stops and turns to meet her, face unreadable as ever.

“I was hoping you’d have time to speak with me,” Jiang Yanli asks, with a gentle smile. She hopes she’s projecting a calm she does not feel, anything to put Wen Qing at ease.

Wen Qing nods and follows Jiang Yanli into the building that’s served as her home while they’ve been in hiding in Yiling and directs Wen Qing to the low table to sit. Jiang Yanli takes a deep breath and holds it as she pours the tea and releases it as she sets down the teapot.

“Is there any way to help my brother?” Jiang Yanli finally asks, after they’ve taken their sips and sat in silence for a few minutes. “You’ve been talking to Wei Wuxian and you understand medical treatment better than I could ever hope.”

Wen Qing sighs. “You should speak with Wei Wuxian,” she says, finally fixing Jiang Yanli with a look she can’t decipher. “He’s been researching.”

“Yes, I know,” Jiang Yanli replies, with a sad smile. She is well aware of his work even if he hasn’t told her what exactly he’s looking for. “But he hasn’t spoken to me of it yet and I’d like to be well-armed before I seek him out.”

Wen Qing doesn’t speak for several long moments and Jiang Yanli feels her hopes of answers dim so she adds, “I want to protect my little brothers in any way I can, I thought maybe you could understand that.”

Wen Qing sighs. “There is no way that I know to restore a golden core, there is no way to reform a golden core once it has been lost,” she says, pausing for a moment. “Wei Wuxian thinks he has found a solution but it’s an abomination with no guarantee of working.”

“What is it?” Jiang Yanli pleads. She is under no illusions about her ability to help but she needs to know from someone who won’t keep things from her under a need to protect her. “You have seen what he’s like, if it’s as terrible as you say he won’t tell me.”

“He’s found a way to transfer a golden core from one person to another,” Wen Qing says voice flat. “The possibility for success is only fifty percent.”

Jiang Yanli looks down into her teacup as a thousand thoughts flit through her mind. “Would we need the golden core to be equal to the one that was destroyed?” Jiang Yanli asks, offhand as she thinks, weighing her life against the survival of her sect, against the survival of her brothers. It’s not difficult to weigh things more heavily toward her family.

Wen Qing takes a harsh breath and looks at her sharply. “You cannot consider doing this, there is no guarantee you’d survive.”

Jiang Yanli smiles at her. “Would you do any less for your brother?” she asks, head tilted. “We both know Wei Wuxian would happily throw his life away to save Jiang Cheng. He’d happily sacrifice his own future for our family.”

“You’re suggesting the same,” Wen Qing points out with a frown.

“Not really,” Jiang Yanli says. “My cultivation is very low, I’ve never sought out immortality or power and I never wanted to be as fierce as my mother. If I lost my golden core, who would notice?”

Wen Qing sighs. “You could die.”

“My brother could live,” Jiang Yanli replies with the slightest uptick of her lips. It’s not quite a smile, she doesn’t want to die but she can’t watch her baby brother waste away. “Our sect motto is attempt the impossible, it’s high time I tried to live it.”

Wen Qing looks at her for several long moments that feel like hours before she nods and seems to settle into a decision. “I will help you,” she says with a sigh. “I still think this is a dumb idea but I can’t fault you for trying, I couldn’t do less for my brother.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet, you need to convince Wei Wuxian. And you should cultivate more to prepare.”

Jiang Yanli nods and smiles. “I will,” she says, and then to herself, “I will,” happy to finally have something to do to save her family.

*
Jiang Yanli doesn’t wait long to talk to Wei Wuxian. She has the element of surprise on her side and she intends to use it.

“XianXian,” she calls when she finds him by Jiang Cheng’s bedside. Jiang Cheng is sleeping, with the help of Wen Qing’s needles. “Please come and sit with me.”

He comes and sits across from her at the low table in the center of the room, smiling shakily as she takes his hand. “Shijie, how are you feeling?” he asks as she pats his hand.

“Much better,” Jiang Yanli says smiling at him. She feels more at peace now, knowing what she can do to help their family. “I’ve been meditating when I can.”

“A-Xian,” she starts, then pauses unsure how to proceed. Jiang Yanli takes a deep breath and charges ahead, secure in her belief that this is the right choice. “I’ve spoken to Wen Qing, she’ll do the transfer.”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened in surprise. “What transfer?” he starts and then falters as Jiang Yanli pins him with a look. “Do you understand what this means? For me?” he asks, eyes flicking back and forth as he searches her face. “And you approve?”

She smiles as she reaches out and cups his chin. “Our XianXian is very brave,” Jiang Yanli says, not quite answering his question yet. “I knew you would find a way to save him but you cannot make this sacrifice.”

He shakes his head. “There’s no one else,” Wei Wuxian says, tears already forming in his eyes. “I promised I’d look after him.”

“You cannot look after him if you don’t have a core,” Jiang Yanli says, gently. “But I’m not doing much with mine.”

Wei Wuxian looks at her sharply and grips her hand tightly. “What? I don’t understand.”

“I think you do,” she says, with another smile. “Wen Qing will help us, if I give Jiang Cheng my core.”

“You can’t do that,” Wei Wuxian says, words nearly jumbled together in his rush. “There’s only a fifty percent chance of survival, shijie please!”

Jiang Yanli huffs. “But it’s fine for you to risk your life for our family?” she asks, with as close to a glare as she can manage. “A-Xian, our motto is attempt the impossible. I’ve never had a chance to try and what better time than now when the future of our sect is at stake?”

“That’s not what I mean,” he says, voice going up in his panic. “You can attempt the impossible some other way, you don’t need to do this, I’m willing and ready.”

She smiles at him. “And I love you for that. I would never doubt how much you’d sacrifice to protect us,” she says. Jiang Yanli pats his hand. “But you aren’t the only one who gets to make sacrifices for our family, I’m your senior and you don’t get to take this from me.”

Wei Wuxian swallows and nods, a quick sharp jerk of his head.

“Good,” Jiang Yanli says, sighing with relief. “I’ll give Jiang Cheng my golden core and you’ll keep us both safe.”

“He’ll be angry,” Wei Wuxian says, blinking away tears. “And he won’t agree to it if we tell him.”

Jiang Yanli nods sadly. “I know; I don’t like to lie but if it means Jiang Cheng recovers I’m willing to try.”

“Okay,” Wei Wuxian says with a sigh. “I already have an idea in mind.”

“Good,” Jiang Yanli says. “Tell me.”

*
Jiang Yanli doesn’t hate the idea but it seems unnecessarily complicated.

“Why can’t we just tell him Wen Qing has found a procedure to return it? Wouldn’t that be easier?”

Wei Wuxian sighs. “He’d never believe it, shijie. It has to be something extraordinary.”

“I suppose,” she says, taking a moment to reflect on Jiang Cheng’s character. He would ask too many questions, too soon, if it was just a procedure and if it’s something extraordinary they wouldn’t be at as much risk of being asked to repeat it for someone else.

She nods. “Yes, you’re right. But we will need to tell him at some point and you’ll have to help me build up my core.”

“There’s nothing wrong with your core.”

Jiang Yanli rolls her eyes, an act she’d been taught was unladylike but it feels appropriate. “A-Xian you’re very sweet but my cultivation is not very high and my core is weak. I’m the only one in our family who still has their sword and you wouldn’t even think to ask me to use it.”

“Not because I think you’re weak, shijie,” he says, so sincerely she thinks he means it. “It’s because you’re my shijie, I’d never ask you to go into battle.”

Jiang Yanli smiles. “I’d be useless anyway,” she says with a laugh. “And I’m not looking for a chance to go into battle, I just want to give A-Cheng a better core to work with.”

Wei Wuxian sighs and says, “It won’t be pleasant.”

“I know, XianXian. I’ll endure it if it means we can help Jiang Cheng,” she says clearly. She’s lost her cough and no longer feels like she’s stood for days every time she cooks, it’s well past time.

He nods and says, “Okay,” and they get to work.

Jiang Yanli has had the same fundamental education as her brothers. She cultivated a golden core, trained with a sword when she was young to strengthen it but it never quite fit. She has always understood the quest for more spiritual power but she has never wanted it for herself, Jiang Yanli doesn’t desire immortality; she has always sought balance with nature in her own way, outside of the bounds of sword cultivation.

But now, Jiang Yanli sits across from her brother and focuses her chi on meditation. She feels like she has stepped outside of herself as they breathe together, feeling but not feeling the grain of the wood floor beneath them and the slight chill in the air and the slight buzzing of flies outside the window. It’s overwhelming but she’s glad to experience it, to feel her core growing just a little as they breathe with the rhythm of the world.

When they’re done their meditation for the day Wei Wuxian looks across at her and smiles. “Now it’s time for the fun stuff,” he says, rising to his feet. “Bring your sword.”

The sword practice is nothing Jiang Yanli would call fun. It’s hard, it’s painful and it sits so unnaturally on her that she wonders again at her mother’s restraint from criticizing her for it.

This becomes her routine, meditation for several hours every morning - which feels good and sword practice every afternoon - that feels bad. She gets better, more competent but it is clear she’d have never been a great swordswoman, could have never been a warrior like her mother but her core grows stronger.

They wake Jiang Cheng every day hoping for a change but he remains either detached or enraged so they force him to eat and then let him sleep while Jiang Yanli builds her core and Wen Qing develops the plan for surgery.

It’s been nearly a month of this when Wen Qing stops her as she spars with Wen Ning and calls Wei Wuxian over from the spot he’s been sitting in as he calls out instructions.

“It’s time,” Wen Qing says as they all huddle in the center of the courtyard. “We either do the transfer now or we don’t do it at all.”

Jiang Yanli frowns. Her core is much stronger, she’s much stronger but there is no reason to rush things now. With a little more time she knows she can provide Jiang Cheng with a better core. “Why the rush now? I haven’t changed my mind but I think a few more weeks wouldn’t hurt.”

“Wen Chao is being allowed to leave Nightless City again,” she says, looking at each of them. “His father hasn’t let him kill me or A-Ning, but he won’t hesitate to kill you; we have to move now.”

Wei Wuxian nods. “We understand,” he says, then looks at Jiang Yanli. “Shijie, do you still want to do this? It’s not too late, I can-”

“No,” Jiang Yanli says, cutting him off. “It has to be me and I’m ready.”

He swallows but nods again. “Okay. I’ll get Jiang Cheng ready. We’ll be ready to meet you on the mountain in a day.”

“Good,” Wen Qing says with a sharp nod. “Your sister will leave with me tonight, A-Ning will travel with you and your brother and bring you to us.”

The Wens leave them to go prepare and Jiang Yanli has a moment alone with Wei Wuxian before she has to prepare to leave.

“Shijie,” Wei Wuxian starts and then stops as she smiles at him.

“It’s okay,” she says, reaching out for his hands. “I know what I’m doing.”

“You don’t have to do this,” he says, squeezing her hand. “We’ve spent all this time developing your core and you’re much stronger now.”

She smiles again. “I know. I’ve never felt stronger so I know this is the right choice. I’ll give Jiang Cheng my core and then I’ll have both of my brothers to protect me.”

“We will,” Wei Wuxian says; his voice is firm but his eyes are watery. “We’ll keep you safe.”

“Good,” she says with a nod and one last quick squeeze of his hands. “Now go take care of Jiang Cheng, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He nods and then he lets go of her hands and walks away. Jiang Yanli nods once to herself, takes a deep cleansing breath and goes to get ready to leave the life of cultivation behind.

*

The wait on the mountain feels endless as they watch Jiang Cheng make his way, stumbling and blindfolded. Jiang Yanli is hidden, face covered watching her baby brother fumble his way toward them and for the first time she feels a sense of unease. She is secure in the choice to give up her core but the method seems wrong. He should be walking into this clear eyed and in full agreement, not like this.

But it’s too late to change things now. She’ll tell him when they’re through this, when Wen Ruohan has been defeated and their family is safe. Jiang Cheng finally crests the hill and then Wen Qing gets into position and it begins.

Everything happens quickly, Jiang Cheng answers the questions they’d all established, Wen Qing drugs Jiang Cheng and then Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning are there arranging the makeshift beds as Wen Qing gets ready to operate.

When it starts Jiang Yanli thinks she is ready for the pain but she is wrong. It’s agony, unlike anything she’s felt before and it’s only a few minutes before it becomes clear that she will have no relief during the surgery. Wen Ning gives her a sturdy branch to clench between her teeth and Wei Wuxian lets her grasp his hand and while those things are grounding she still feels every moment of the removal of her core. For two nights and one day Wen Qing cuts her open and takes a part of her soul. She sobs until there are no tears, screams until there is no voice and still it goes on until finally she sees her golden core in Wen Qing’s hands and shifts her head to watch as it is gifted to her brother.

Once it is finally, safely in Jiang Cheng she lets the pain and exhaustion pull her under and doesn’t think about it anymore.

When she wakes up they’re already at the foot of the mountain. The plan is for her to return to the Yiling supervisory office to recover while Wei Wuxian meets up with Jiang Cheng but they don’t get far before one of Wen Qing’s people finds them and warns them that Wen Chao is waiting there.

“We have to change plans,” Wen Qing says, calm and cool in the face of such a threat. “He will kill you,” she adds.

“We’ll have to wait for Jiang Cheng at the inn, shijie can recover there and once we have Jiang Cheng we’ll send her on to Lanling,” Wei Wuxian says, and then looks to her for agreement.

Jiang Yanli nods, too tired and sore to complain. She has no interest in relying on the hospitality of the Jin sect when she is at her lowest but - they are desperate and alone so she’ll endure it. “I’ll go.”

“Good,” Wen Qing says. She looks at her brother and adds, “Didi, you’ll need to go too, Wen Chao won’t let drugging him go unpunished.”

Wen Ning frowns. “I don’t have to run from him, jiejie,” he says, nervously fidgeting with his hands. “I could stay with you.”

“No,” She says, voice firm. “He’ll kill you, he won’t kill me. I’ll find you after I get rid of him.”

He starts to argue but she cuts him off. “I mean it, didi, you know what he’s like. He’s been held back from hurting you too many times, he won’t hesitate.”

“Please don’t further endanger yourself for us,” Jiang Yanli says, reaching out to grasp his hand. “Your sister just wants to protect you, please let her.”

He looks at her for a long moment and then nods.

“Good,” Wei Wuxian says. He looks at Wen Ning thoughtfully for a moment and says, “You should head back to the foot of the mountain and meet Jiang Cheng. Tell him I asked you to stay there as a lookout because we were warned about Wen Chao.”

Wen Ning nods and hugs his sister. “Be careful,” Wen Qing says before she lets him go and Wen Ning makes his way back to the mountain. “You two need to keep a low profile, stay together and don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’d never do anything stupid,” Wei Wuxian says, confidently. Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli both give him a look and then look at each other and laugh.

“Thank you for that, A-Xian, we needed it,” Jiang Yanli says, reaching out to pat his hand. “We’ll be careful,” she says turning to Wen Qing. “We can never repay you for what you’ve done.”

“Stay alive,” Wen Qing says, voice serious. “That will be payment enough,” she adds and then dons her hood and heads off in the direction of the supervisory office.

They watch her disappear down the path and then they are alone. Wei Wuxian holds out his arm for Jiang Yanli and after she takes it they make their way into the village to find the inn. Jiang Yanli is worried but at least for now they’re together.

*
They’re at the inn for three days before Wei Wuxian starts getting anxious. Jiang Yanli is still in pain from the surgery and from the absence of her core but she watches him. It’s another four days before he begins to pace their shared room, radiating worry.

“Please be calm, A-Xian,” she says when she catches him looking out the window again. They’ve spotted Wen soldiers making their way through the village a few times but it does them no good to constantly lurk around the windows looking for them. “I’m sure A-Cheng is fine, we just need to be patient.”

Wei Wuxian sighs and walks over to the bed and plops down on the floor beside it. “He’s late, shijie, he shouldn’t be late,” he says, anxiousness bleeding into his voice.

“Wen Ning was meeting him,” she says, patting his head. “He’s got a warning about Wen Chao, so maybe he’s being cautious until things are clear.”

“Maybe,” Wei Wuxian says, with a sigh. “I still don’t like it. I would have thought they’d all be gone by now.”

Jiang Yanli frowns looking toward the window. “I think maybe Wen Chao didn’t believe Wen Qing and they think we’re still here instead of halfway to Lanling.”

“And they’re right,” Wei Wuxian says, looking up at her from his spot on the floor. “I should go out and see if I can intercept Jiang Cheng. Before he walks into this village or the innkeeper thinks we fit whatever description those soldiers are giving out.”

“We,” Jiang Yanli says, standing up. She’s still in pain but she won’t be split from another member of her family, not now.

“What?” Wei Wuxian says, scrambling up to join her.

“We’ll go together,” she says, patting his hand. “I’m sure they’re not looking for you to be traveling with a woman and we’re not being split up, not now.”

“Shijie,” he says, pleading but Jiang Yanli will not back down.

She looks at him, unflinching and says, “Either we go together or we don’t go at all. I won’t let you go risk yourself alone.”

He sighs and nods and then they put on their cloaks, hoods up and head out.

It’s raining heavily when they leave the inn and the streets are quiet but there are no Wen soldiers lurking about for the first time in days. They make it halfway up the path out of the village without seeing a single person and for a moment Jiang Yanli thinks, ‘what luck we have’, but then she notices the tension in Wei Wuxian’s arm and the way he is warily watching the road and she realizes, even in this rain the village would not be so quiet.

“We should turn back,” Jiang Yanli says, looking around warily. “I don’t like this.”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t say anything but he turns them away from the path, and starts them on an indirect trip back to their inn. “If anything happens, you run and hide,” he says voice low as they make their way.

She wants to argue but things are so tense and it feels like there’s a hint of danger in the air. Jiang Yanli hopes it’s nothing, that they’re both overreacting and the people have just sought shelter from the rain even if it all feels slightly off.

They approach the inn from behind, turning up a narrow path along the side to get to the entrance. Every step they take leaves Jiang Yanli anxious, ready to be back in the safety and security of their room. The rain lets up as they approach the stairs leading up to the entrance and she hopes it’s a good sign.

She sighs in relief when they climb the steps and thinks we’re safe and then the doors open and all of her relief is ripped away as they come face to face with a room full of Wens. Wei Wuxian tries to quickly turn and push her out of the inn but they’re both thrown backwards and onto the floor.

Jiang Yanli doesn’t cry out as the breath is knocked out of her when she falls and she doesn’t have the energy to struggle when the Wen soldiers grab her and Wei Wuxian by their arms and hold them in place for Wen Chao and a woman she doesn’t know but assumes must be Wang Lingjiao.

Pain blooms along her back and along her stomach and she wonders if her stitches have broken as a soldier hits Wei Wuxian and forces him back down to the floor.

“Weren’t you that arrogant brat back in the Xuanwu Slaughter cave?” Wen Chao asks, as his men hold Wei Wuxian down on the floor. He steps on Wei Wuxian’s hand and Jiang Yanli flinches away from the sound of his bones grinding together.

She takes several deep, quiet breaths and casts her mind back to one of her mother's harshest lessons. Her mother had always been disappointed in Jiang Yanli’s cultivation level, hoping for her daughter to be as fierce as the women of the Meishan Yu sect. But when it became clear that Jiang Yanli would never have a high cultivation level her mother had changed her lessons.

“Your cultivation is low so you must conserve your spiritual energy and you are a woman so you’ll be bound to a man for all of your life,” Yu Ziyuan had said while Jinzhu and Yinzhu stood guard at the door.

“Jin Zixuan is the only son of my sworn sister and she has tried to raise him to be the type of man I’d be happy to see you marry,” she’d said with a near sneer. “But his father is a disgrace to his sect and you must prepare yourself for disappointment. Sometimes, as women, it’s necessary to disconnect yourself as protection.”

Jiang Yanli can’t remember much more of what her mother said but she leans on that in the moment, casting her mind away as Wen Chao tortures her brother. Wei Wuxian gives him nothing, even when Wen Chao fixes his eye on Jiang Yanli and threatens to make her his second mistress.

*
Jiang Yanli wakes up to howling winds and grit under her fingers. She feels pain, everywhere and as she sits up it seems to radiate down from her head to her ankles; and she feels utterly alone.

A-Li she hears on the wind. It sounds like her mother and she turns quickly trying to follow the sound, trying to seek some comfort in the familiar. She hears it again A-Li and it sounds like her father and Jiang Yanli wonders if she has truly sat up, if she is not instead lying broken on the death infused grounds of the burial mounds, waiting to take her last breath.

The ground beneath her feels real enough as she shifts onto her hands and knees and starts crawling toward the sound of her parents’ voices. Jiang Yanli doesn’t have high hopes, she assumes, resignedly, that she is crawling toward her own death but Jiang Cheng has a golden core, he has a chance and that is all that matters.

She crawls for a few minutes, her mother's voice whispering in her ear when she hears, “Shijie! Shijie, where are you?”

Jiang Yanli looks up and thinks about not responding, it’s probably as false a voice as her mother’s but it sounds so much like Wei Wuxian and in a rush she remembers that he was pushed first. “XianXian?” she says, voice barely above a whisper and then “A-Xian! A-Xian!”

She can’t stand up, there is too much pain, too much wind but she keeps yelling crawling toward his voice yelling back until she bumps into something and warm familiar hands close around her arms.

“Shijie!” He yells, helping her up into a crouch. “I was so scared, I woke up and I couldn’t find you and I thought, I hoped I’d imagined them pushing you in after me.”

Jiang Yanli shakes her head. “That woman pushed me in,” she says, leaning against the very solid, very real form of her brother. “I could hear Wen Chao yelling at her over my screams.”

His hand tightens on her arm for a moment and he says, “She’ll pay for that, they’ll all pay.”

She reaches up and grabs his hand on her shoulder. “They will,” she says, voice firm. “We have to find a way out of here and then they will know what it means to cross Yunmeng Jiang.”

He helps her stand and it’s agony but she pushes the pain down.

“We have to find shelter,” Wei Wuxian says as they make their way slowly along a craggy, rocky path. The voices continue as they walk; she hears her mother, her father, Jiang Cheng, all of them calling out to her and demanding vengeance.

“Do you hear them?” Jiang Yanli asks as they stop to rest. She hurts so much, every step feels like agony and she wonders, vaguely if she’s broken her leg. “I think we’re going the right way.”

Wei Wuxian looks at her, eyes wary. “It’s not real, shijie,” he says, grimacing as he sinks into lotus position. “We have to ignore it.”

“So you hear it too?”

He nods. “It’s different, from the last time I heard it,” he says, looking out at the dark dark land around them. “Before it was only the voices of the dead, of people I didn’t know, now?” he shakes his head.

“What is it?” Jiang Yanli asks, reaching out and grasping his hand. “I can hear my mother, my father, even Jiang Cheng. He’s not dead, he can’t be dead,” she says, voice desperate. They’ve sacrificed too much for it to be in vain.

Wei Wuxian shakes his head. “He’s not dead, he’s too strong,” he says, squeezing her hand. “This is how resentful energy works, it makes you hear things that aren’t there. I can hear your parents and Lan Zhan, and I know he’s not dead,” he says, with a smile that’s there and gone in a moment. “But I can also hear strangers, voices I don’t know beckoning me forward.”

“You’ve heard this before,” she says. It’s not a question, she can tell by the way he speaks of it; this isn’t something he’s studied, this is something he’s experienced before.

Wei Wuxian sighs. “When we were trapped in the Xuanwu cave there was a sword,” he says, briefly squeezing her hand. “It was inside the tortoise of slaughter,” Wei Wuxian says looking at her. “So many people died in there, and the sword remembered all of them, all of their screams and rage.”

He frowns. “This feels so much like that,” he says, turning to look down the path. “I think if we keep going we’ll find something that can help us. Too many people have died angry here, they want help to get their revenge.”

Jiang Yanli watches him as he seems to drift off to some far off place and nods, deciding then and there that he cannot be allowed too close to whatever is calling them forward. He nearly died in the Xuanwu cave and she refuses to save one brother only to let another destroy himself. “Then we should continue on,” she says, rising shakily to her feet. “We cannot linger here, the sooner we have help the sooner we can start figuring our way out of here.”

*
It feels like hours before they find what’s been drawing them forward; it’s a sword, standing upright where it’s been shoved into the soft ground of the burial mounds. There’s dark smoke and wind tearing at their hair and robes but Jiang Yanli still hears Wei Wuxian’s sharp inhale as they lay eyes on the sword.

“What is it?” Jiang Yanli asks, fingers tightening on Wei Wuxian’s arm. Holding onto him isn’t the only thing keeping her upright but it’s close.

He frowns. “I know that sword,” Wei Wuxian says, taking a step forward seemingly involuntarily. “It’s the same one from the Xuanwu cave. I should..” he says trailing off.

“This is where the voices have led us,” Jiang Yanli says, keeping her tight hold on Wei Wuxian’s arm. She can hear her mother urging her to walk forward, to take the sword and now with a little bit of movement and something to hold onto she’s not sure if she should listen. “I don’t think you should touch it.”

“Why?” Wei Wuxian asks, taking another small, labored step forward. Jiang Yanli doesn’t let go of his arm so she’s pulled along with him. “I’ve handled it before, shijie, it’s fine, I know how to handle it.”

A-Li, you have to avenge us, she hears in her mother's voice and shivers. She sounds like she did when Jiang Yanli was little, firm but kind. It’s a tone she hasn’t heard in years and it makes her feel clearer than she’s felt since they removed her core.

“When you came back from the Xuanwu cave you were feverish and unconscious for days,” Jiang Yanli says, grip tight on Wei Wuxian’s arm. “If that happens here, who could protect you? Who could protect me?” she adds. “I have no core and I could barely use my sword before, how could I keep us safe if you fall ill?”

He looks at her, his face drawn taut and asks, “What do you want to do?” There’s dread dripping from each of his words but she ignores it.

“I’ll go,” she says, holding his gaze. “If I can’t dislodge it or if it affects me too much I’ll stop and let you try.”

“I promised I’d keep you safe,” Wei Wuxian says, with a hint of pleading in his voice. “How does this do that? Please don’t make me break my promise.”

Jiang Yanli reaches out and palms his cheek. “XianXian, I promised to take care of you too,” she says, with a shaky smile. “Maybe once we have it we can keep each other safe and when we finally escape this place we’ll take care of Jiang Cheng too. All three of us, together forever.”

Wei Wuxian nods, eyes watery. “Tell me immediately if it hurts you,” he says, covering her hand on his face with his own. “We have to stick together.”

“I will and we will,” she says and then she lets go of his arm and takes her first shaky step toward the sword. Her mother's voice follows her, encouraging her onward. It feels like hours before she is in front of the sword, dark winds swirling around her.

She looks back toward Wei Wuxian and sees the worry plainly written across his face and reaches out and grabs the sword. In one moment with one action, her whole world turns upside down.

All of the noise of the wind drops away and Jiang Yanli feels nothing but stillness. She can feel a faint hint of the wind still whipping at her hair, can see Wei Wuxian standing not too far away looking very worried but it all feels far away, outside of her.

“A-Li,” her mother says, materializing out of the fog. “You’re doing so well.”

“Niang,” Jiang Yanli says, tears welling up in her eyes. “You can’t be here, you’re dead.”

Yu Ziyuan scoffs. “Death could not keep me from my children, I will have my satisfaction and then I can move on.”

Jiang Yanli’s eyes go wide. “But we gave you a proper burial, A-Xian got your bodies back from the Wens.”

“He did,” she says, voice thoughtful. “That Wei Wuxian is more useful than he looks. But it takes more to satisfy the Meishan Yu sect than a burial, A-Yi, you should know your history.”

Jiang Yanli nods at the scolding. She’d heard stories from her grandmother when she was a child, about failed soul cleansings and restless dead relatives who returned and demanded satisfaction. But she never thought it would be her mother and like this.

“What do I do?” Jiang Yanli asks. Although she feels like she knows, she can feel the power in the sword, can feel how much it wants to consume her if she welcomes it in but she doesn’t. It’s not quite fear; the worst things that could ever happen have already happened but she must make sure Wei Wuxian gets out of this place and she must see that Jiang Cheng is alive so it cannot have her.

Yu Ziyuan smiles. It’s so different from the smile she had in her life, twisted and angry in a way that surpasses the anger she had all of Jiang Yanli’s life. Her brothers didn’t tell her how their parents died but that smile tells her it wasn’t quick or easy and Jiang Yanli feels another wave of sadness. “Take the sword, A-Li. Take it and we’ll see if that shidi of yours can be useful again.”

She picks up the sword.